The 20 Funniest Football Chants Ever
When you're at a football match, there's only one thing that can make you feel better when your team is once again losing 24-0 and are on course to break that losing record with a 34th consecutive loss.
It's not the brilliant atmosphere created from your club's version of the Kop, and it's not the dazzling skills of the opposition as they whip the ass of your team in more ways than one.
Of course, the only thing that softens the blow of yet another 24-0 loss is the genius of the fans in the stands, coming up with hilarious chants and songs that just can't stop you laughing.
Either hilarious, or so pathetic that they become hilarious, there have been some fantastic chants coming from the stands down the years, and here Yoosof Farah has whipped up 20 of what he thinks are the best football chants around.
Heskey's All Right
"There's only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey. He used to be sh**e, but now he's all right, Walking in a Heskey wonderland"
Yes, we kick off in style with those wonderland chants, and one sung back in the day from Birmingham City fans about Emile Heskey after his return to form.
Bowyer And His Underwear
"He's here, he's there, he wears no underwear, Lee Bowyer, Lee Bowyer."
This funny one was sung by Leeds United fans after the former Leeds man admitted he sometimes goes commando.
Hasselbaink = Fat Eddie Murphy
"Fat Eddie Murphy, you're just a fat Eddie Murphy."
This was from the Newcastle United fans, taking aim at Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink back in his Chelsea days.
Carra's Dad A Nutter
"He's red, he's sound, he's banned from every ground, Carra's dad, Carra's dad."
Sung by the Kopites at Liverpool, honouring defender Jamie Carragher's father, who was once arrested at a match for being drunk.
Forget the Boogie, Just Blame It on Traore!
"Don't blame it on the Biscan, don't blame it on the Hamann, don't blame it on the Finnan, blame it on Traore. He just can't, he just can't, he just can't control his feet."
Sung by Liverpool fans to the tune of 'Blame it on the Boogie' by the Jackson 5, after Djimi 'Wobbly Legs' Traore scored an own goal against Burnley in the FA Cup.
Palmer And the Marijuana
"There's only one Carlton Palmer, and he smokes marijuana. He's six foot tall and his head's too small, Livin'in a Palmer wonderland!"
Stockport County fans got behind their manager and gave him their full support back in 2002.
"I'm sure Arsenal fans are working on some new chants, but they can sing what they like. I've got three nice medals to show them"
This is what former Manchester United striker Teddy Sheringham said ahead of his next match against Arsenal after United's Treble winning season back in 1999.
To which the Arsenal fans singing in full voice back at Highbury replied:
"Oh Teddy, Teddy. You might have won the Treble but you're still a c**t!"
It's Just Like Watching Brazil, Or...
"It's just like watching The Bill!"
The large amount of police at Ewood Park disgruntles the fans of Blackburn Rovers.
*The Bill is a long running British police procedural television series.
Al Fayed, Al Fayed!
"He's fat, he's round, he's sold your f**king ground, Al Fayed, Al Fayed..."
This can be heard at almost any match at Fulham's Craven Cottage, sung by the away fans.
Shish Kebab Anyone?
"You're shish, and you know you are!"
This was sung by Chelsea fans at Stamford Bridge when their side welcomed Turkish club Galatasaray in the UEFA Cup.
Ow! I Think I've Got a...
"Bernt Haas! I've gone and Bernt my Haas. I've gone and Bernt my Haas. I've gone and Bernt my Haas. Bernt Haas..."
West Bromwich Albion fans at The Hawthorns clearly loved the name of their former Austria defender.
Queen's Park Rangers Player, Or a Dog?
"Rufus is a dog's name!"
According to the QPR fans on their former defender.
Go on, admit it, put him next to a fluffy dog and you really wouldn't be able to tell the difference, would you?
When You've Got Schizophrenia...
"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams."
Such sympathy from various away fans at Ibrox back in the day, when Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram had been diagnosed with a mild form of schizophrenia.
Arsene And Le Frog
"Who let the frogs out, who? who? who? who?"
Sung by Leicester City fans to the tune of 'Who Let the Dogs Out' by the Baha Men, as they welcomed Arsene Wenger's Arsenal team to the pitch.
Eating Dogs Is Better Than Eating Rats Apparently
"Park, Park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your home country! But it could be worse, you could be scouse, eating rats in a council house!"
A tune you can hear any time Manchester United play Liverpool.
And obviously, eating dogs is better than eating rats, because everyone of course has a tried a bit of both once before in their life...
Don't Mess With The Stam
"We all agree, Jaap Stam is harder than Arnie!"
According to Manchester United fans at Sturn Graz's Arnold Schwarnegger Stadium back in December 2000.
Who would win in a fight, Jaap Stam or Arnold Schwarnegger? It's a toughie, isn't it?
TV Pundit or Newcastle Manager?
"You should've stayed on the telly!"
Is the response of Liverpool fans when they played Newcastle United in the Premier League last season, when St. Sir Alan Shearer of Newcastle was manager of the Toon.
First, They Deep Fried Mars Bars, And Now...
"Deep fry yer pizzas, we're gonna deep fry yer pizzas!"
The Scots attacked chocolate with their cooking style, and now their attacking Italian cuisine, after Scotland fans made the above threat in a FIFA World Cup qualifier against Italy.
That's Amore, That's Zamora...
"When you're sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that's Zamora, that's Zamora."
Sung to the tune of 'That's Amore' by Frank Sinatra, Fulham fans really know how to show their appreciation for striker Bobby Zamora.
Happy Days, Habib Beye!
"Sunday, Monday, Habib Beye. Tuesday, Wednesday, Habib Beye. Thursday, Friday, Habib Beye. Saturday, Habib Beye, rockin' all week with you!"
Sung by fans Newcastle United fans at St James' Park, and now featuring at a Villa Park near you...