Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Do you sometimes spend hours on end lying in bed staring at the ceiling? Have you ever counted sheep for five straight hours only to realize that you had to get up for work as soon as you finished?
Well, Hi! Billy Mays here with the most awesome sleeping pill product to hit the market in the last decade! It's so good that I'm going to advertise it even though I'm dead, because that perfectly describes the Rangers offense. With New York Rangers Sleeping Pills, you will never have those nights of endless tossing and turning! No more waking up in morning after a rough night of sleep!
The New York Rangers Sleeping Pills are made with the highest form of brain wave technology: take one with a shot of scotch, close your eyes and visions of the Rangers attempting to score will appear under your eye lids. Watch closely as Callahan misses the net while standing in the crease only to end up hitting the cotton candy guy in the stands, Gaborik uses his powerful stride to go nowhere, and Boyle's size intimidates the smallest of opponents. Still awake after that? Have no fear! Watch as pucks soar over Lundqvist's glove hand and John Tortorella's forehead vein bursts!
I am so sold on these pills, that I am even going to include extra gifts for you, that you can keep even if you send the pills back. Call in the next fifteen minutes and receive a pair of Enver Lisin ear plugs, the officially licensed product that is the same one used by Ranger players to tune out the coaching staff. Call in the next ten minutes and receive Chris Drury's new hit album, Whispers! With his hit single Seven Million Reasons to Not Give a Sh*t. And call in the next five minutes to receive an autographed Donald Brashear huggie bear.
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