Don't Quote Me: The Dumbest, Funniest Quotes in Sports
Let's face it, despite being paid millions of dollars to play a game adored by many, athletes are just regular people like you and I, except they're probably in the gym while I'm writing this article.
When there are 50 reporters with cameras and microphones in your face it's got to be tough to get your thoughts together.
Heck, I'm always making bonehead comments, and now that I am a featured columnist on the Bleacher Report it's not only my friends and family that get to enjoy them.
On that note, I have decided to take a look at some of the funniest and dumbest quotes in professional sports over the years. If nothing else, hopefully they will put a smile on your face this weekend.
The Dumb: Chuck Nevitt
Chuck Nevitt may be best known as one of the tallest players ever in NBA history at 7'5", but his quote that sounded like it came straight from the movie "Dumb and Dumber" was more than worth his 18-game career.
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Apparently Chuck's brain wasn't growing at the same pace as the rest of his body.
The Dumb: Jose Canseco
It wasn't bad enough Jose Canseco had to tarnish his baseball career by pumping his body full of steroids, but he has also tried his hand at boxing and mixed martial arts. Is it any wonder he would give us a dumb quote to enjoy?
"Every time that I have tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated."
Too bad steroids don't cure stupid.
The Dumb: Terrell Owens
Some say if Terrell Owens didn't speak, he would be one of the best football players in NFL history, but what joy he has brought to us the fans with comments like these.
"Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team."
"I'll watch highlights every now and then, but as far as watching the game, I feel like I am the game."
"Like I always said, if I'm one of the top players in the game, pay me like I'm one of the top players in the game."
"Right is right and wrong is wrong."
T.O. is as entertaining as Megan Fox doing cartwheels in a baggy shirt, I hope this guy never shuts up.
The Funny: Wayne Gretzky
Leave it up to the greatest player ever to play in the NHL (Wayne Gretzky), to come up with a witty quote when being questioned about why he rarely would go in the corners to retrieve a puck.
"I don't like going in the corners. Corners are for bus stops and stamps."
Hopefully that wasn't still his logic when coaching the Phoenix Coyotes.
The Funny: Boxing Promoter Dan Duva
Now Mike Tyson has had his share of dumb quotes, but boxing promoter Dan Duva hit a funny bone with his comment on Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King after his release from jail.
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
The Funny: Bum Phillips
Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips gave us a gem when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips.
"Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
With a nickname like "Bum", I guess you have to have a heightened sense of humour.
The Dumb: Rickey Henderson
Rickey Henderson was quite possibly baseball's greatest leadoff hitter, and definitely the best when it came to stealing bases.
But his mathematic skills are definitely lacking, as we found out when he was questioned about 50 percent of ballplayers using steroids.
"Well Ricky's not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there."
The Dumb: Jerry Rice
Jerry Rice had magic hands, which is a good reason why he is widely regarded as the greatest receiver of all time, but he should have just let his hands do the talking when asked about it.
"I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that."
The Dumb/Funny: Sean Avery
There was probably nobody as entertaining in hockey as Sean Avery before the NHL put a muzzle on him and tought him to act like another boring member of society.
As ridiculous as his comments sometimes were, at least they weren't the same old garbage we hear night in and night out from many NHLers.
"Everyone talks about how classless I am, but I guess Fatso there just forgot to shake my hand." - On Martin Brodeur refusing to shake his hand after the New York Rangers-New Jersey Devils playoff series.
"He's a staple as far as Canadian hockey goes. And I grew up watching Coach's Corner, and he serves a purpose. But he really does not know sh@t about hockey. He knows, like, unnecessary facts like putting Sears catalogues on your shin pads." -On Don Cherry
"You guys are all great. I love you all, but I have to go and take my teammates to dinner while they still like me." -To the media in New York while with the Dallas Stars
"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada and I just wanted to comment on how it's become a common thing for guys in the NHL to fall in love with my sloppy seconds." -On Dion Phaneuf dating Elisha Cuthbert and Jarret Stoll dating Rachel Hunter
The Funny: Matt Millen
Matt Millen played on four Super Bowl winning teams, so he knew what it took to get there, which is why he had a response when hearing Redskins offensive tackle Joe Jacoby state, "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
Millen replied, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
The Dumb: Charles Shackleford
Charles Shackleford wasn't a household name over his six NBA seasons, but he did show us that he was no herpetologist.
"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
The Dumb: Shaquille O'Neal
Shaq Diesel has brought us entertainment on the court and as a rapper and actor, but he also has had some not-so-brilliant quotes that put him on the dumb list, though I'd never say that to his face.
When asked if he visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece O'Neal replied, "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
"I've won at every level, except college and pro" -On his lack of championships