Buddy: Hey man, I want you to be in my wedding.
Me: Of course! When is it?
Buddy: Not sure on a date yet, but around August.
Me: Ok cool. I’m in.
A few weeks/months later, and the invite arrives. “Oh awesome, it’s official now. And the date of the wedding is… September 12th?!?!?! Are you #$%*ing serious?”
You have been hit with the dagger of… The Fall Wedding.
The fall wedding has many factors that cut deep into the hearts of college football fans. For one, you obviously can’t go to the game. (Wouldn’t be too bad this year for VT, as we really only have one decent weekend game: Georgia Tech. So I should be fine as long as that game isn’t… DAMMIT!!)
But it’s not just missing out on going to the game. There are only so many college football Saturdays in a given year. You know the days. It’s fall. The sun is setting more towards the south. The shadows are long as you watch Notre Dame drop another one by 20.
If you were not attending a game, you started drinking and watching football around noon. And you won’t stop until the 8 o’clock games finish completely full of nachos, hotdogs, and happiness. That, good sir, is a perfect Saturday.
When I mentioned the situation to a friend of mine, the frightened response was “They aren’t from Tech, are they?!” No, clearly they are not. No one from Tech would do such a thing. (Yes, I know people from Tech do it all the time, but it is to be considered a mortal sin. Only a confession to the Hokie Bird can give you absolution.)
Then comes the statement of the obvious… “They must be from JMU.” Notice how this does not come in the form of a question. It’s just assumed… and assumed correctly.
So Jacob, if you are reading this (and I know you are, because I sent it to you), your wedding better be the best freaking thing ever. If there is not a bouncy house and/or laser tag, I’m out.