Barry Bonds Turns Down the Independent Minors: What Now?

Christopher HayesCorrespondent IJune 25, 2008

In what can only be described as not shocking, Barry Bonds has decided not to showcase his talents in one of the independent minor leagues.

"He has nothing to prove there," Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris, said Wednesday.

"He doesn't need to go to an independent team and hit two home runs a night hoping to get attention to prove that he still has the skills that would warrant him playing at the major league level. His performance in 2007 demonstrates that he's capable of playing at the major league level for the 2008 season."

Would he really hit two homers a night? Eh, actually maybe.  Can you imagine some 21-year old bean pole trying to fool Barry?  

Replays would show that Barry actually started laughing while the pitch was on its way -- right before he ripped it down the line and over the wall so fast that the skinny kid actually thought for a second he just might have blown one by the Home Run King. 

I would go to one of those games to watch that.

What seems to have bewildered Barry and his agent is that no one has offered him a job. NO WAY! You don't say.

Borris does say, and he does it like this, ""The fact that no team in Major League Baseball has made an offer for Barry even at the minimum salary has created a level of suspicion that is currently being investigated."

Bonds has stated that he would play for the league minimum, even claiming that he would give that money away, essentially playing for free!

Wow Barry, you are such a great guy, offering your salary up to buy children tickets to come see you play.

The players union has yet to file a grievance concerning possible collusion, but says the matter is under investigation.

So why does Jeff Borris think that there is collusion going on?

"Let's look at the facts. Barry performed admirably in 2007. Barry is healthy. Barry has been offered at the minimum salary and Barry's trial date is in March of 2009, so there would be no interruption of the 2008 season. It defies explanation as to why he is not employed in 2008 with a major league club."

Huh, ok.  Defies explanation does it? Let me help.

Barry Bonds is a Juice Head, a liar, a cheat, and on top of all that, a cancer in the club house.  Shockingly, teams tend to avoid those sorts of things.

At this point it would be best for Barry to can the baseball career, and open up his own business.  It could be called 'Barry's Homers.'

The premise is this: You pay Barry a thousand bucks to pitch to him in his own personal stadium.  He gets to hit homers all day, because that's all he's ever wanted anyway -- and you get to try and fool the greatest home run hitter of all time.

Now you would have to secure 10,000 people to fill the stands, otherwise Barry won't hit.  You're on your own for that.

Eventually, he could have a celeb-reality show, where celebs compete to try and give up the least amount of homers to the great Bondsino.  Snoop Dog would be the first guest, high as a kite, laughing the whole time as he marveled at the wonder that was 67 straight homers by Barry.

I think that would work out for him. 

He needs to hire me as an Idea man and fire this Jeff Borris guy. For sure.