Don Imus Makes Pacman Jones As Sad As Javon Walker Is Stupid

Sean CroweSenior Writer IJune 24, 2008

How long until ESPN's Jemele Hill calls for Don Imus to be fired again?

First of all, Imus hasn’t been relevant since the '80s (coincidentally, when he was in his 80s). Stop pretending anyone cares about anything he says.

He’s 100-years-old. He looks like he’s been dead for 15 years, and he wears a stupid cowboy hat.

The ridiculous uproar over his “Nappy” comment is what temporarily brought him back to relevance. Now that he’s slipped back into obscurity, he’s using “controversy" to make his way back into the spotlight.

I don’t care what color Pacman Jones is—and I certainly don’t care if some old has-been is making racist jokes about him on the radio. It’s a free market. If you don’t like it, don’t listen.

Calling for Imus to be fired, getting Al Sharpton involved, boycotting his’s a waste of time. Worse than that, it gives him exactly what he wanted: renewed relevance.

The only way Don Imus should ever make the front page of ESPN is if he’s been killed by O.J. Simpson.

Speaking of Pacman...sorry...Adam Jones, he was apparently very upset with Imus.

"I'm truly upset about the comments," Jones told the Dallas News. "Obviously Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans. I'm upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly."

I wonder what Pacman expects the station to do to Imus?

Remember, this is a guy who thought a one-year suspension for punching a stripper in the face, starting a brawl that ended with a member of his crew shooting someone, biting a cop, and resisting arrest was too harsh. Given that, you have to wonder what he thinks “handles it accordingly” means.

A $25 fine? That might be a little too harsh. WNBA season tickets? Forcing him to participate in a champagne shower with Javon Walker?

Speaking of Javon Walker, is there any doubt that he’s become the dumbest professional athlete this side of John Rocker? You’d think the experience of watching a friend and teammate die in his arms would scare some common sense into him. I guess not.

But the greater question here is this—is spraying champagne over a crowded club really worth all of the apparent hassle? Friends get shot and you get abducted, beaten, and robbed.

Plus, isn’t that crap almost as expensive as a gallon of gas?

My guess is that some lawyer is getting ready to take just about all of the money Marshawn Lynch got from the Bills after being drafted. 

There's a lesson here. If you’re rich, you don’t run people over. If you do run someone over, that person will be rich. You, in turn, will be less rich.

It’s a lesson that should be taught to all NFL rookies. I’d say NBA rookies, but they get rich during their one year in college.

I didn’t buy it when Andy Pettitte said it. I didn’t buy it when Rodney Harrison said it. I don’t buy it now that Terry Bradshaw is saying it.

Saying “I only used steroids/HGH to help get over an injury” is the new millennium's version of “I only hit it once, but I didn’t inhale.”

This isn’t NFL related, but was brought to my attention by a friend of mine. Bill Simmons has a Wikipedia page. Jay Mariotti has a Wikipedia page. Even Woody freaking Paige has his own Wikipedia page.

So naturally, I’m wonder why I don’t have my own Wikipedia page. You search for my name on Wikipedia and you find some schlub politician from Ireland. Clearly I’m more important (read: popular) than that guy.

Someone needs to create a Wikipedia page about me. If this were to happen, I would have officially accomplished everything I set out to do in life.

1)    See Patriots win a Super Bowl, Red Sox win a World Series, and Celtics win an NBA Championship

2)    Write for a popular sports web site

3)    Be interviewed on a nationally syndicated radio show

4)    Have my own page on Wikipedia

I’ve completed three out of four. If someone were to make that last one happen, I’d make it a point to mention his or her name in every column I write until the end of time.

In closing, a quick message to Giants fans:

Jeremy Shockey wants out, Michael Strahan retired, Plaxico Burress wants more money, Ahmad Bradshaw is currently sitting in a jail cell somewhere, and Tiki Barber has a new ice cream flavor named after him.

In other words, celebrate your Super Bowl hard.

Talk a ton of smack. Have another glass of champagne. Pull a Javon Walker and spray some all over the patrons at your neighborhood bar.

Do all this while you still can. Because next season has 8-8 written all over it...


Sean Crowe is a Senior Writer and an NFL Community Leader at Bleacher Report. You can email him at His archive can be found here. You can find everything he writes, including articles for other publications, here.