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State Of The Raiders: Year 2030

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State Of The Raiders: Year 2030
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Dateline Jan. 8, 2030

 

Raiders Owner Al Davis has scheduled a meeting to evaluate Head Coach Art Shell after another disappointing year – a record 27th straight 10+ loss season. Shell, in his 9th stint as Head Coach for the Raiders – and the only one to have coached the Raiders in all six of their locations – had no comment other than to say other than he thought JaMarcus Russell Jr. looked good in his last two games and should expect to be the leading candidate for the Nose Tackle position in 2030. 

 

After many years of pleading by fans and amateur columnists, Mr. Davis finally hired a General Manager in 2024, but Tom Cable has been unable to end this most ignoble streak. Cable said the Raiders should stay the course and would already be a playoff team if not for the inconsistent play of the 800 pound Russell early in the season. “I thought Mike Miller played well at nose tackle" for an undersized 21 year veteran in his first regular season action with the team since he was drafted in 2009. "Who’s laughing now? Nobody thought he would make it in this league and here he is, 21 years later, a starter. He brings energy to the defense.”

 

In other Raider news, the year 2030 will be used to commemorate the ten year anniversary of the Raiders best year since 2002, the great 6 win team of 2020. Looking back in hindsight, that was not the most talented team in recent history, but exceeded all expectations due partly to Coach Bruce Gradkowski evidently going against the orders of Mr. Davis. Mr. Davis was livid over this and fired Gradkowski with cause with two weeks to go in the regular season. The Raiders lost both games and slipped to 3-13 the following year under Coach Shell.

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