Dear Hollywood Elite,
How many of you have been to a Dodgers game? (Yes, Alyssa Milano and Larry King, I see you.)
How many of you have dated a Dodgers player? (Yes, Alyssa Milano, you can stop waiving your hand now.)
Lastly, how many of you are interested in an intriguing business opportunity that could potentially save the Dodgers and help resurrect Los Angeles' dying economy? (Please step to the front, Kardashian family.)
Hollywood Elite, I offer you a simple proposal: Buy the Dodgers from Frank McCourt. I guarantee if 100 of you A-listers chip in $10 million each, Frank will sign the Dodgers over faster than he can say "No" to Randy Wolf's arbitration. Hell, you could probably even work a two-for-one deal after the dust settles and Frank has to liquidate his assets into lawyer fees and Jamie support.
I'm calling the following celebrity hotshots out to head "Team Hollywood."
Why Mario Lopez?
A- He's a natural born athlete since his days of being AC Slater on Saved By the Bell.
B- It will be good to have a member of Mexican descent on the board considering the fan base is mostly Mexican.
C- Isn't it just fun to say his name? Kind of just rolls of the tongue...
Mario, it's time to leave America's Best Dance Crew for America's best baseball team.
Why Kim Kardashian?
A- A natural businesswoman, Kim knows how to get things done.
B- She isn't afraid to spend big for quality (ahem... Frank.)
C- Not a bad face of the organization...
If Kim becomes co-owner of the Dodgers and if she ever ties the knot with Reggie Bush, Khloe and Lamar would have to move over for Los Angeles' reality TV—athlete power couple.
Why Zac Efron?
A- He would bring in the perfect money-spending demographic the Dodgers need: girls aged 8-18 years old.
B- He could be a one-person cheerleading team. (Let's face it, the guy can dance).
C- He would give Clayton Kershaw someone to talk to.
Zac, you could be the youngest member of something really special. Just hope the Jonas Brothers don't tag along.
Why Adam Corolla?
A- I've seen him in enough celebrity softball games to know he would be interested.
B- He would give Casey Blake a run for his money in a "hairy man" contest.
C- Someone has to be the class clown of the celebrity bunch...
Adam, this picture is bringing back memories of Koufax. Welcome aboard.
Why Audrina Patridge?
A- It would solidify the Carl's Jr. vendor deal with the Dodgers.
B- The girl has Hollywood connections, which is never a bad thing when looking for investors.
C- What else is she doing with her life... seriously?
Audrina, I highly doubt you're qualified to co-own anything, so just write your check and go sit in the corner.
Why Tiger Woods?
A- Tiger could probably purchase the team on his own.
B- It would be a smooth transition from Frank to Tiger...
C- Let's face it, he could use some good PR right about now.
Tiger, time for redemption. The golf world may hate you, but the Dodgers will welcome you with open arms.
Why Larry King?
A- He's the Jack Nicholson of the Dodgers.
B- He clearly has the passion, as he attends every home game.
C- He apparently sings "Take Me Out To the Ball Game" like no one else. (See picture).
As they say in checkers: King me.
Why Alyssa Milano?
A- A regular at the stadium, she even sports her very own Dodgers clothing line.
B- No joke, she probably knows more about the Dodgers than the average fan.
C- Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, and Russell Martin know why...
Alyssa, out of everyone on this list, you're the chosen one. Make it happen, captain.