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Can Feng Shui Help Michael Owen?

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Can Feng Shui Help Michael Owen?
Alex Livesey/Getty Images

 

Two goals in fourteen games is no way to insight Don Fabio to extend the World Cup invite to Michael Owen. So how can Michael Owen score more?

Geoff Boycott has the answer—Feng Shui. 

The ancient Chinese art has helped Boycott and Boycott had written a letter to Owen recommending the mystical art, which Owen has apparently "boycotted."

I do not blame him. As a self proclaimed Feng Shui expert I realize that the trouble with Owens' scoring lies purely in the location of the goal posts. My "Luopan" (compass) indicates  that the the best way to help Owen score more is to have both the goals placed adjacent to each other—not opposite each other. 

Infact there is a scientific reason for that too. All the running from one end to another can make Owen more tired and hence Owen might have trouble in finding his finesse while scoring. Tired legs you see.

If all Owen wants to do is "score" then he should hit the local dance bar and do the booty dance for a Beyonce song—"All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies...Oh...Oh...Oh!!!!" 

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