Jun 23, 2013-Isiah's back, baby, and he's just as insane as ever!

Isiah Thomas, the former Knicks General Manager, Head Coach and Vice President was fired 5 years ago for being the a f**ing *&^#%@ piece of *&^% *&%$#&@^*&#$ who ruined one of basketball's most storied franchises. Thomas was rehired yesterday after spending the last 5 years working as the guy who scrubs the sweat off the floor at Madison Square Garden. Isiah's back, baby, and he's just as insane as ever!

The move was a result of the retirement of Donnie Walsh, who took over after Thomas was fired. Walsh did an outstanding job with the Knicks, managing to cut ties with Stephon Marbury, Zach Randolph, Eddy Curry and (thank god) Jerome James. Walsh and the Knicks were able to clear so much cap space with these moves that they signed superstar forward LeBron James following his opt-out after the 2010-2011 season. Since the acquisition, James has led the Knicks to two NBA Finals appearances, including one title. During his tenure in New York, Lebron has averaged 36 PPG. 

Jerome James is considered perhaps Isiah's biggest folly during his first stint in management. After seeing nothing other than a good postseason performance, the Thomas signed the center to a 5 year, 29 million dollar contract in 2005. Before being bought out in 2009, the now 37 year old center averaged .000000389 PPG, 0 RPG, and -4 BPG. He also "contributed" 4.6 ABLUPG (Air-balled lay-ups per game), 22 MAPG (missed assignments per game) as well as managing to foul out of 93.6 percent of games, despite only playing 2.7 MPG. Since his release, James has spent time with the Sevilla Perros (a Spanish team) and the Ratnapura Armadillos (a Sri Lankan team) before being released by both due to sheer ineptitude. He had recently been signed by the Sacramento Kings to a one year, 73 dollar per year contract. Now, hes back in blue and orange.

Because, Isiah Thomas, in his first personnel move since being rehired, has traded Knicks' first round picks for the next 18 years and LeBron James for Jerome James. As soon as the news came across the wire, sobbing as well as cries of "$@#& you, Isiah!" could be heard from the streets of New York City. Yessir, Isiah's back, baby, and he's just as insane as ever!

At the introductory press conference, Thomas was all smiles, "We are so excited, let me tell you. We really believe that we got the better end of this deal. LeBron was on the downside of his career, and hey, who needs draft picks? You never can find out what they are until years down the road! How boring! Either way LeBron is past his prime, but that kid, Jerome, he's now. I was heartbroken when Donnie didn't sign him after he was released by the Sonics. I mean he did wonders in Seattle! I thought he had learned the error of his ways when he bought him out, but hey, I guess that's why he was fired!"

A reporter then interrupted, "First of all, Jerome James is not a kid. He is 37! Second of all, he was not released by the Sonics, he was released by the Ratnapura Armadillos. He averaged 2 PPG in Sri Lanka, where the average player was 5 foot 6! Third of all, Walsh retired after he completed his task and brought New York a title! You are the least intelligent person and worst general manager i have ever come across."

All Isiah did was sit there with his never changing wide-mouthed, white-toothed smile. 

So glad to have you back, Isiah.

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League Notes

The Sacramento Kings have signed LeBron James to a six year, 90 million dollar contract extension.

The New York Knicks have signed Jerome James to a 22 year, 637 million dollar contract extension.