Fanatics of boxing champion Manny Pacquiao, do not despair!
I, Caesar Cliffius, Doctor of Boxology, have a support group for those who suffer from the same affliction. It is a very informal group, costing you nothing and leaving you free to be the best boxing fan you can possibly be.
It is not strenuous or otherwise intrusive, merely a way in which you are allowed to return to the former dignity you once possessed. It is not uncommon for Super-fanatics of Pacquiao to be unruly, foul-mouthed, disruptive and insulting while commenting on boxing articles and in sports forums.
I know what I am writing about because I have been railed, cussed, defamed and other various and sundry forms of debauchery. I can assure you without fear of contradiction that these "fans" are the most disruptive lot of any other sporting team, player, fighter or other venue.
I hasten to provide you with the help you so badly need.
The following is my Six Step Approach to Overcoming Pac-aholism:
1. You must admit that you no longer have power over your undying allegiance to Manny Pacquiao—that your time in sport forums and websites has become unmanageable.
If the first step puts a little lump in your throat and makes you look at yourself while shaving and find that you are no longer familiar with the man in the mirror, this group is for you.
2. You must make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself and your knowledge of the "sweet science", to determine if you are a real boxing fan, or just another "fan" who has looked into his eyes and unfortunately thought he was the chosen one.
If you are blinded by the fact that there are other boxers in the universe who possess skills, courage and ability that are at least on a par withPacquiao, this group is for you.
3. You must admit to yourself, and to at least one other human being the fact that you are a helpless Pac-aholic, that you defend his honor and good name beyond the realm of understanding.
It is admirable to defend your favorite athlete or team, that is what being a fan is all about. When it becomes an obsession a red flag is raised. It is not considered natural or normal for a "fan" to curse a moderator of a forum, or the author of an article only because you are at odds with his or her beliefs.
It becomes obnoxious and overbearing to continue to berate and undermine every opponent another fighter has fought.
4. You must make a list of all persons you have cursed, abused and otherwise offended, and be willing to make apologies to them all, including yours truly.
Until you can get this tremendous weight off your shoulders, and admit that you have offended people, cursed people, perhaps even struck an individual in a bar or other institute of libations, you will never be free from this affliction. People who disagree with you are people too.
A good debate is fun and very challenging. To revert to name calling, mother-cussing and every other foul display of filth which is common to those only of the baser sort, is totally unacceptable.
5. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, you must carry this message to other Pac-aholics, and to practice these principles in all of your boxing relationships.
It is greedy and dis-compassionate to keep all of this new awareness to yourself. You need to spread the good news to others who suffer from the same malady. It is not a disgrace to be A Pac-aholic. The disgrace comes only when you are unwilling to admit it and try to overcome the disorder as swiftly as possible. Obviously, there is a world of those suffering as you are.
6. You must realize that there is one better than he whom has cleared the way for the chosen one. That boxer is Floyd "Money" Mayweather.
If you are cursing me right now after reading this, you have taken this therapeutic journey to an unfortunate dead end. You are completely unwilling to realize that Mayweather is the best fighter in the world and that unfortunately Pacquiao is relegated to the number two position as long as Floyd tarries.
Conversely, if you realize that Money is the main man, you have survived the support group and are now a Mayweater nuthugger, and you may be proud of it.