In a recent press release, Dallas Cowboys' media-mainstay Adam "Pacman" Jones announced that he would no longer like to be referred to as Pacman—a nickname given to him by his mother.
Instead, Pacman would like to be known only as Adam or Mr. Jones.
However, since Pacman seems unable to stay out of the public eye, it makes more sense that the viewing public should have a say in what he is referred to as.
To help the decision-making process, a new list has been released of possible classic-arcade-game-themed nicknames for Pacman:
Donkey Kong Jones: For not only his objectification of women, but also his rumored penchant for throwing barrels at Italian plumbers.
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Galaga Jones: For his seeming inability to end a confrontation of any level without a certain level of gun play, coupled with his quest for interstellar domination.
Excite-Bike Jones: For his ability to escape the scene of any crime at an incredibly high rate of speed along a linear and predictable path.
Tecmo-Bowl Jones: Since the only time Jones will ever get to play in a Super Bowl will be vicariously through a poorly pixilated video simulation with a limited play-calling selection (not unlike the Minnesota Vikings).
Frogger Jones: For Jones' amazing ability to sidestep and avoid any semblance of personal responsibility and accountability.
Ms. Pacman Jones: For his girlish and childlike attempt to escape his past and self-created reputation by trying to get a publicist to get people to stop calling him Pacman.
The early frontrunner seems to be Ms. Pacman, for his lack of masculinity (and for how cute he would look with a pink bow on his head). However, it is anyone's guess as to how this will all play out.
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5 months ago
Rainman
from 5 months ago
LOL thats pretty funny stuff there.
from 4 months ago
Oh how great is it when senior writers get to spend their supposedly well-earned time poking fun at troubled athletes. Where are the days when news reporting was a well-respected genre, and journalists looked at as champions of the cause. Somehow I don't think that Horace Greeley and Jane Cunningham Croly will be inspired by todays definition of the journalist!
5 months ago
I have to say, I am going to miss the name Pacman Jones. It was the best nickname in all of sports IMO.
5 months ago
great stuff, i agree with "rainman" though.
i was also thinking duck hunt or hogan's alley instead of galaga, but i dare not hate on galaga.
from 5 months ago
I was trying to stick with the early arcade game theme, hogan's alley might have worked I suppose. Gotta love the classics!
5 months ago
big unit and big hurt are better nicknames but the rainman has the best intro theme song hands down, im lookin forward for the new make it rain remix where pacman throws done some nasty lyrics.
5 months ago
Love both Frogger and Techno-Bowl Jones. Great work!
5 months ago
He'd be in strife if an opposing team drafts a few ghosts.
5 months ago
How about go away Jones.Iam tired of the NFL letting these thugs Ruin the sport I loved.Time to BOYCOTT the NFL . Not watching, no, I can't stop nor could you. Stop buying NFL merchandise via internet or stores and dont buy anything advertised during games. Effect their greedy bottom line. send a message "CLEAN IT UP " UNITED WE STAND
from 5 months ago
Well, I wouldn't say that thugs are ruining football. That is like saying Tyson ruined boxing. We hire these guys to be animals and are surprised when they act as such off the field. Though, I would actually like to see a conviction one of these days.
from 5 months ago
Haha you can't be serious, right?
5 months ago
I don't even want people to call him 'Adam'; he has disgraced the namesake. I like "Frogger" Jones. How 'bout we stick with the Pac-Man theme and call him blinky or something.
5 months ago
Pacman Jones is the most overrated corner in the league. He's got 116 tackles and 4 interceptions in two seasons. 40 players last year alone had 4 or more interceptions... in one season. He's a good corner and a very good special teams player, but the attention he gets is not deserved.
from 5 months ago
I'll bet he would get even more attention if he started throwing barrels at Italians a la Donkey Kong. And I don't think there is a person at this site that wouldn't love to see that day come when Ms. Pacman finally loses it. Just so long as it isn't at the expense of a stripper's life.
5 months ago
Toast
5 months ago
"Grand Theft Contract: Blow the Signing Bonus Edition" Jones
from 5 months ago
Not bad, but trying to stick with the classic arcade theme.
5 months ago
Super Mario Jones: No matter how many chances he gets his career will still end up going down the tubes. Plus, I'm sure he like mushrooms.
from 5 months ago
See, now that is a great one! I couldn't think of any other Mario Bros references.
5 months ago
would i be right in saying this is the guy who was in TNA, but couldn't lay a finger on anyone?
5 months ago
How about "Dig Dug" Jones... Since he keeps finding ways to dig himself deeper while being pursued.
Great piece.
from 5 months ago
Was that game called Dig Dug or Digger?
Thanks.
from 5 months ago
It was Dig Dug. I think it's available with the Namco classics. He used to pump the bad guys up with air and make them pop.
5 months ago
Great article and great comments; love Rainman...how about Pac-Up, Clueless in Dallas, and one last one...Foreclosed
5 months ago
Dipshit Jones, because him momma gave him that nickname too.
5 months ago
How about The Asshole formerly known as Pacman? Rusty Shackleford? Adam in the Middle? TO and Adam in "The Odd Couple 2: Pacman does Dallas?" Adam Jones (colon): It's Complicated? Wait a minute. Are we sticking with nicknames or can we explore Reality Shows too?
from 5 months ago
I think we need to save that for another article.
5 months ago
Given his attempt at MMA, Mortal Kombat Jones has got to be near the top!
5 months ago
That's funny stuff, but I still like the original Pacman.
5 months ago
Atari?
5 months ago
I like Rusty Shackleford. Even though Arlen is a fairly far away from Dallas.
5 months ago
Hey, what about today's classic game that would be befitting to Mr. Jones. Adam "Grand Theft Auto" Jones, or G.T.A. for short. You could also go with Street Fighter Jones. I would say Bad Dudes Jones but that game doesn't fit the criterion.
5 months ago
Every single Adam Jones incident seems to involve a stripper or at least a girl.
His new nickname has to be either "Pole Position" or "Elevator Action."
from 5 months ago
Rephrased joke:
Adam Jones is seemingly always positioned next to a strippers pole, so I'm making his new classic arcade name "Pole Position" Jones.
Aww.
Much more comedic.
5 months ago
It really doesn't matter what his new nickname is. Jones is still going to spend most of his time pushing his teammates buttons, and I can guarantee he will eventually get caught playing with his joystick.
Anyway, super article! Makes we want to hook up the Atari 2600 for old times.
4 months ago
I can't believe the harsh comments you people are making in reference to Adam. First, there are just as many or if not more screwed up, steroid taking womanizers in America's favorite sport of Baseball!!! I'm not throwing stones or pointing fingers but I'm trying to get you guys to understand that people can change for whatever reason! This man is making an attempt to let go of his past and create a better future! Try showing more support instead of passing judgment! It's a great amount of pressure that he faces on a daily basis that you guys will never feel unless you are sitting your worthless ass on the couch playing Madden 08! He's a ball player and an entertainer, Are you not entertained??????
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