Alabama Vs. Texas: Cheerleader Showdown

We're just days away from the BCS National Championship game between Alabama and Texas, and I couldn't be more excited.

Sure, it may seem like Alabama is the easy favorite after stomping Florida, while Texas limped in after a lackluster effort against Nebraska, but I think the matchup is a lot closer than most people might realize.

Why? Cheerleaders.

It is a mostly unknown fact that 93 percent of football games can be determined ahead of time by cheerleader hotness. That is a stat that I totally did not make up for this slideshow in any way at all. Nope. Not even a little bit.

So to get an early idea of who the winner is going to be, let's break it down. Here is the Alabama vs. Texas: Cheerleader Showdown.

Alabama

Bama comes out of the gates showing that they've got some cute Southern belles who are probably a combined height of 10 feet or so.

Texas

Whoa, do you see the amount of sass going on in this picture? It's gotta be off the sassometer!

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

If Bama wants to win this thing, this cheerleader has got to get that nervous smile off her face. We want big grins, not "this creepy guy is taking a picture of me, but I've been so ingrained to smile during pictures that I can't help it."

Texas

Here is Texas cheerleader Kate, showing off her sass once more. Fooling around with the mascot? Classic move right there.

One thing Kate didn't count on? Now Hook 'Em actually thinks they're engaged. This could get ugly.

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

Bama steps up with a super cute cheerleader who obviously has got some killer confidence going on. Never has a mock turtleneck ever looked so good.

Texas

Here is another Sports Illustrated Cheerleader of the Week. Also ridiculously hot. Texas is bringing out the big guns here.

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

I do love Southern girls. Can't you just take one look at this girl and picture her saying "y'all" as she invites you over to her grandmother's for some biscuits and grits? I know I can.

Texas

Here is Lacey laying down on the job, which is fine by me. I feel like this is a good time to mention that Texas has had three different Cheerleaders of the Week since Alabama's last one in 2008. Interesting, no?

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

It's a talent when you can look good and confused at the same time. Only the hottest girls can pull off that feat. Which is helpful, considering that the most gorgeous women are confused most of the time.

Texas

Okay, one more shot of Lacey. Can you tell that I'm a fan? In this picture, she's picking out her favorite cheerleader slideshow assembler. Me? Really? You can't tell right now, but I'm blushing.

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

Now that's how you get my attention back, Bama. With the splits. There is something about a flexible woman that is appealing. Less muscle soreness. Yessir, I like a girl that's not going to pull up with a cramp.

Texas

Olé!

Texas shows here that they have some serious depth. Each one of these girls could be a Cheerleader of the Week (and of course a few have), but there just doesn't seem to be a weak link in the bunch.

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

Yeah, I think it's safe to say I'm a fan of this one. She's got such a pretty face and a nice smile that it makes me forget how much I want to see the rest of her. Which is a lot, by the way.

Texas

Aw, will you look at that? They seem so close. The best of friends. Now let's get the one in the left out of the picture and you two on the right hug. Much better.

Photo credit: Sports Illustrated

Alabama

There's my girl. Just as I suspected. Killer legs to go along with a sexy slender frame. Alabama is picking up some speed here.

Texas

Let's take a moment here to thank the inventor of chaps, whoever you are. I know that you intended them for cowboys, but I think they work so much better on cheerleaders. Especially Texas babes.

Alabama

Get excited Alabama. Not only are you neck and neck with Texas' cheerleaders, but you already have a preexisting edge over the Longhorns when Mark Ingram took the Heisman over Colt McCoy.

What? You didn't think football would play into this just a little bit?

Texas

Assless chaps were invented for situations like this. Come on Texas, I don't ask for much.

Seriously though, we gotta give a ha-yuge edge to Texas in uniforms. Alabama's are too conservative, even though they do show some nice legs.

Alabama

Okay, one last shot of my girl here. She's pretty.

Texas

Texas definitely has got the better uniforms. This picture right here shows that chaps or no chaps, these Longhorns have got the long stems to pull off any kind of look. Short skirts are encouraged.

Alabama

I don't know what it is about cute little cheerleaders that are so tiny that you could probably throw them about as far as Greg McElroy throws a football, but I find them so attractive.

This would be one of those girls, if you hadn't figured that out yet.

Texas

Our first pom-pom sighting, how exciting! In all of this I kind of forgot that cheerleaders actually cheer. Honestly it doesn't interest me that much unless they're putting their leg behind their head.

Alabama

Fun fact: One of my favorite Alabama cheerleaders, Sidney, caught this large-mouth bass herself. What do you get when you combine badass? That's right, bass.

Southern girls rock. You wouldn't see a USC song girl rocking a fish like that.

Texas

Is there anything better than a nice, sunny day right in front of the cheerleaders? Watching them kick and spin and get tossed in the air is almost as much fun as watching the game. Even more so if your team wins a 13-12 offensive snoozer.

Alabama

Just in case you forgot the rules, here they are: You can make fun of male cheerleaders in high school, because they don't really do anything cool, just cheer, which is weak.

However, you can't make fun of them in college. They're probably stronger than you, so they'll kick your ass, and they get to do things like hold this sexy lady around the waist and toss her into the air. Lucky bastard.

Texas

This is the ending to one of the most rewarding games of peekaboo I've played in a long time.

Who's there? Oh, a hot cheerleader. How delightful.

Alabama

Bama cheerleader Payton here was chosen by some cheerleading publication as one of the prettiest cheerleaders of the SEC, and she is one lovely lady. She is definitely go, fight, winning me over.

Bad pun? Yeah, we're reaching the end here.

Texas

Texas may have started strong with their cheerleaders of the week, and showed some great spirit and sass along the way, but you didn't really think I was going to pick Texas to win the BCS Championship, even with cheerleaders.

Naturally, the winner is...

Alabama

Alabama!

Here are a couple of their cheerleaders celebrating accordingly, with a chest bump.

I imagine they'll exchange a few more of those during or after the game. Here's hoping cameras are involved.