It's Christmas Eve, and surely I am not the only person in the world with shopping left this late in the holiday season.
It's not that I procrastinate. It's that there are about four million things that I would rather do in life than go Christmas shopping.
Running my foot over with a lawnmower, drinking bleach straight from the bottle, or cleaning out a port-a-potty all sound like more pleasant activities than dealing with hordes of coupon-fueled housewives fighting for the last copy of Guitar Hero on the shelf so they can further spoil their offspring into psychological trauma.
Dealing with the crowds of mindless lemmings is only part of the misery for me, though. The stress of trying to figure out what to buy someone you hardly know is also coupled with the holiday shopping obligation.
Some days I can't figure out what I want for lunch, let alone pick out a gift for someone I barely know.
Luckily, I always have a few Hawkeyes on my Christmas list.
Hawkeye fans are easy to shop for. Anything tangible with a tiger hawk logo on it is a great present idea sure to gain appreciation and gratitude.
Last year, I got a Hawkeye night light for Christmas and if you were lucky enough to see me open it, you would have thought I just won the Powerball.
It's the small things in life that matter.
To help assist any readers that might happen to have a Hawkeye fan left on their Christmas shopping list, I thought I would put together a list of Hawkeye-related gift ideas than any loyal Iowan would love.
For starters, any Hawkeye fan would love the book NILE by Tom Lidd.
NILE is a book about a young man who played football at the University of Iowa in the late 1930s named Nile Kinnick. The story occurs while the nation is recovering from the Great Depression. Nile understood the historical significance of the moment and became a leader for his team, breaking many Hawkeye football records on his way to winning the 1939 Heisman Trophy.
This book would make a great made-for-television movie, and an even better Christmas present for a Hawkeye Fan.
Another great gift idea are Hawkeye Grill Toppers. Who wouldn't want to sear a tiger hawk logo into a burger or a steak while tailgating? The Hawkeye Grill Topper turns ordinary grilled meat into a Hawkeye work of art!
Bergwood would fly into a conniption fit and drool on himself if he got an Iowa Hawkeyes gill topper for that Bobby Bowden grill of his.
Of course, the ultimate Iowa Hawkeye gift idea this year would be an all-inclusive travel package for the Orange Bowl. If you are filthy rich, or if you have a few thousand dollars just lying around, nothing says I love you better than sending a Hawkeye fan to Miami to watch Iowa beat up on Georgia Tech's option offense.
Should you not be able to afford a whole travel package, don't fret. A Hawkeye fan would be just about as happy to receive an Orange Bowl t-shirt from the Tailgating Barn.
Well, maybe not just as happy but you see my point.
So, if you have any last minute Hawkeyes to shop for this Christmas, try not to panic. All they really need to enjoy the holiday is a simple Iowa Hawkeye night light.
Merry Christmas Hawkeye Nation!
This article is also featured on IowaHawkeyes.Net, a nerd's blog dedicated to all that is Hawkeye.