ELEVEN HOLES WITH TIGER WOODS
For those of you who just can't get enough of the Tiger Woods scandal , I've enlisted all of Tigers mistresses in a power ranking article.
You know, when we handicap a sports betting pick for a football game or a basketball game, we condition ourselves to refer to the power rankings we assign each team, because, adjusted for home field or home court advantage, it is a most valuable reference.
So what would you do if you were make a betting line on one "Tigress" against another?
In other words, if Tiger Woods were to walk into a room (at a neutral site mind you) and was confronted with all of these women, which one does he go for first? The result: power rankings for the Tiger Woods harem.
Before you ask, yes, I adjusted for the possibility of, as we might refer to it in the sports betting world, a "round robin" and we are always mindful of the possibility of a three or four-team parlay, if you know what I mean.
Sports betting buddies, if you are not rich and/or famous, do not apply here. Ms. Uchitel's stock-in-trade, until now anyway, was to keep people out of the snobby nightclubs she was a "hostess" at. Allegedly, she was not just a bed partner, but Tiger's "concierge" when it came to some of his women.
She's at least the slickest of this group, negotiating a multi-million-dollar hush settlement. This one's got first-mover advantage. You go girl!
POWER RANKING: 98
Sports fans, here's one of the many woman representing the "reality TV" culture in Woods' harem. This cocktail waitress says she had her Grubb-y hands on Tiger for over two and a half years, and released a lot of his suggestive text messages to the public. Now THAT'S class!
POWER RANKING: 96
(3) CORI RIST
She's a "party girl," or so we're told. Is that an occupation? What are the odds of that? You think that's the way she fills out her taxes? This is the one who was actually cheating on her husband when sleeping with Woods.
POWER RANKING: 94
She touts herself as a "model" but odds are that it's a bit more complicated than that. She caters to the needs of high-rollers in Las Vegas, as part of an agency, and we're aware of what that often leads to. Was Tiger betting on a freebie, and did he get one?
POWER RANKING: 93
(5) JULIE POSTLE
Was identified previously as the "Unidentified Orlando Cocktail Waitress" which is kind of like the "player to be named later." Postle is reportedly vice president of a charity called the "Bad Girls Club" where the motto is "Bad Girls Doing Good."
Well, this particular bad girl did Tiger good.
POWER RANKING: 92
(6) JOSLYN JAMES
Here's an honest-to-goodness porn star. My understanding is that she is not terrifically bright; she allegedly believes her opus, MILF Worship 4 , may have a shot at an Oscar since they're expanding the Best Picture category to 10 films this year.
Hey, can we get some odds on that?
POWER RANKING: 89
(7) LOREDANA JOLIE
Here's another would-be "model" who was allegedly compensated for her services to Tiger, according to someone who claims to be her madam. Reportedly she engaged in three-ways, which we refer to in sports parlance as a "round robin."
POWER RANKING: 88
(8) MINDY LAWTON
Here's one with more of a twist than usual. Apparently there was some "discipline" put forth by this waitress/model, and in the encounters in which she claimed Tiger enjoyed a little hair-pulling, the golfer almost certainly was the underdog.
POWER RANKING: 87
(9) TERESA ROGERS
Ms. Rogers, who is the "MILF" in this group at 48 (we'd call it a "wily veteran" in sports vernacular), says that she taught Tiger all the lines and spreads he needed to know—in the sack. She has a baby that may or may not be a little Tiger; it could belong to a basketball player who has yet to be identified.
POWER RANKING: 86
(10) HOLLY SAMPSON
I'll say one thing about her, sportsbook fans, she's had a versatile career, having acted in "legit" film and TV at one time (making an appearance on The Wonder Years ) and then moving on to both softcore and hardcore porn. I've seen her. Very talented.
Plus, she already came with aliases (Nicolette Foster, Andrea Michaels, Zoe) so Tiger didn't have to use his imagination when he checked her into a hotel. I can see that comeback now!
POWER RANKING: 85
(11) KALIKA MOQUIN
I don't know where this one fits in among the favorites on the bimbo scale, but although acquaintances say she bragged about bedding down the golfer, she's denied to reporters that she had that kind of relationship.
She is reported to be a manager of sorts at a Las Vegas nightclub. I don't know how she got on that list—maybe Tiger walked through the wrong door or something.
POWER RANKING: 79
Bonus Slides : Jenn Sterger is in a league of her own. Read about her story and view her slideshow: Jenn Sterger: Football Hottest Fan . Also check out how I've ranked the Top Ten Hottest College Football Cheerleaders .