The January transfer window is coming up and in the run-up to it every six months, rumours fly around like flies around an incontinent cow's anus.
This is the final parody of the year and is about Harry Redknapp looking through his shopping list of players to bring to the Lane—providing he doesn't get a harsh punishment for his previous dodgy tax dealings.
Included in his list are Anton Ferdinand, Fernando Llorente and
Ruud Van Nistelrooy (although, he's most likely gone to Liverpool).
Spurs have lacked a bit of quality in front of goal.
Defoe's all well and good, but that's about it. Crouch is a generally addicted to Route-1. Keane's just gone down faster than his pint of Guiness and Pavlyuchenko's still not getting a look-in.
Tune - 'All I Want For Christmas'
by Mariah 'Can't-stick-to-one-single-note' Carey.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one player I need.
I don't care about the hairstyle.
I just need consistency.
I don't want to hang my hopes
On the same old seventh place.
Santa Cruz won't make his way
Down to Spurs on deadline day.
I just want him in our team
To help us make our top-four dream.
May it please come true.
All I want for Christmas