Knockouts: Top-10 Fastest and Funniest

Greg RiotAnalyst IDecember 16, 2009

#10 – One Second to Fame
This video has over two million views, and it’s so short that you can watch it about four times in a minute. The most confusing part is that I have no idea what the knocked-out dude was trying to do in this fight. It’s like he was skipping rope or dancing at a rave before he realized he was in a fight. The other guy didn’t give him time to figure it out. This should set you up nicely for what’s to come…

#9 – Congrats, You Won! Now Hit Him Again!
Usually when a fighter’s down for the count, the ref will stop the fight and protect the injured scrapper so he doesn’t risk any more brain damage. Instead, this goatee-wearing goofball chose to rise to his feet subconsciously, after the ref had already called the bout…only to get pounded in to dreamland a second time. The best part is that he steps in to the winner as if he’s going to take him out regardless, and then he just gets dropped like a turd out of a car window.

#8 – “I’m OK! I’m Not Okay…”
Have you ever been concussed before? Well, here’s one reason you don’t want to be: you end up looking like a clown hopped up on a combination of speed and Nyquil. I can only hope I’m half as entertaining when I’m stumbling home drunk with my friends.

#7 – Hope He Lasts Longer in Bed
You know when guys in the UFC are circling each other like they’re scared to punch? Yeah, it’s boring and frustrating to watch, and sometimes it’s just downright cowardly. But this video is exactly why these guys don’t go rushing into fights.

#6 – “I Got Your Leg!”
Skip to about the 2:30 mark to skip all the boring pre-match garbage. Then before you keep wondering why the guy in the blue gloves doesn’t have his hand up, watch the rest of the video. Despite the awkwardly funny choice in music, the best part is watching the guy in the red gloves grab on to his opponent’s leg as if it’s going to make all the difference. Then keep watching to see the victory lap, as we wait for the guy in the red gloves to figure out that the fight is actually over.

#5 – “I Don’t Want My Medicine”
With one punch, the guy with “Thunder” written on his trunks proved why he deserves to have his nickname brandished on the waistband of his shorts. The guy who looks like a homeless man’s James Marshall (from “A Few Good Men” and the crappy boxing movie called “Gladiator”) is left so confused as to why he’s on the ground that he’s still throwing wobbly punches as he’s coming back to his senses. This is exactly why you shouldn’t be scared of guys who mean mug when they’re in a tiff with you at a club. The meaner they look, the funnier they are when they’re unconscious.

#4 – So You Think You Can Dance?
The guy with the treads proved he could flip, break dance, and cartwheel around like a jackass. The white guy proved he can punch you in the face and look like a total badass. Which would you prefer? All I know is that tumbling totally impresses chicks…unless some hick is around to knock your teeth all over the pavement.

#3 – Wonder Who His Favorite “Street Fighter” Character Is?
The flying knee is the most awesome thing to see, and the most impossible thing to land. Unless you’re this guy…”Tiger!”

#2 – This Is Why You Won’t Get Laid
If you thought the break dancing idiot was bad enough, check out this guy’s celebration? There’s about two, maybe three, things you could do to drive away any woman that potentially wanted to sex you after you won a fight so quickly. This guy managed to figure out at least one.

#1 – “I’m Not Gay!”
This is one way to react when a guy tries to blow you a kiss during the ref’s little spiel at the beginning of a fight. His instant justification, however, is what makes this priceless. Calm down, guy. It’s not like he was blowing you kisses to give you airborne herpes or anything.