Brett Favre To Randy Couture: "It's Time to Retire" (Satire)

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Brett Favre To Randy Couture:
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

The MMA world has been put on the defensive by the NFL. By one player in particular—no, not Hershel Walker—future hall of fame quarterback Brett Favre.

In a Bleacher Report exclusive interview, the current Minnesota Viking revealed his true thoughts about sports outside football, particularly mixed martial arts. And one fighter: UFC Hall of Famer Randy "The Natural" Couture.

"Here's the thing," Favre said while relaxing in a part of form fitting Wrangler jeans, "I just think that professional athletes need to know there limits."

"After he lost his rubber match fight against Chuck Liddell back in 2006, Randy said that he wasn't going to be seen in the octagon again. Then all of the sudden, a year later, he's back competing. I don't get it."

That's flip-flopping and that's what Democrats do.

Favre suddenly showed some mild discomfort and reached for a container of the over-the-counter heartburn medicine Prilosec OTC. "Sorry, crab boil."

The aging superstar went on, "I think that he just needs to take a hint. His body can't take that kind of regular pounding. You can tell that he just doesn't have that much left, but he refuses to give up."

"Sure, he's got a lot of talent and a ton of heart. No one has more fun out there than Randy and he is a crowd favorite, but that just isn't enough. There are too many young guns out there that could take his place."

Favre was possibly referring to young heavyweight talents like 27-year-old Cain Velasquez and 30-year-old former champ Frank Mir.

"I don't doubt that he is going to pull out some big wins against younger, less experienced guys, that just comes with time, but in the long run, he is just going to be an embarrassment."

"And sure, he's going to get some calls from sympathetic refs that he has won over in the past years. But seriously, what happens when he doesn't get another championship? Will he ever get the picture?"

"How many times can the guy get knocked down and get back up?"

Favre went on to point out that Couture has done more after turning 35 than most guys will do in an entire career, but that there is such thing as bowing out with some grace and self-respect.

"Listen, I don't care if the guy wants to keep competing until he's 60, I just want a straight answer out of him. Is he going to retire or not?"

The Bleacher Report would like to thank Brett Favre for his time, patience and never reading this site so as to avoid potential law-suits from not running a disclaimer with particular writers.



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