Famous Lineups Series: Part 1 "Obama And The Emperor's"

Joseph JoveContributor IDecember 13, 2009

ST. LOUIS, MO - JULY 14:  President Barack Obama throws the first pitch before the 2009 MLB All-Star Game at Busch Stadium on July 14, 2009 in St Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Jamie Squire/Getty Images

                                                    Famous Lineups Series

Before I go any further, I wish to convey to those whom might take a fantasy article (like the one you are about to read) serious.

No, President Obama has not taken over baseball!

This is not a "real news" article in the least bit. You might have noticed that Barbra Streisand is playing catcher, (maybe she can catch a few off her noggin).

Because Mr Obama is a fellow who tends to lean to the...lets just say, the left. Of course I will embellish that to an unfathomable degree.

I will push the quintessential envelope on my freedom of expression to a state of thought-less diarrhea slowly stinking up reality to a mortifying plateau.

On my last interview on "One On One With Jove"  http://bleacherreport.com/articles/287762-president-barack-robbing-hood-obama-attacks-the-new-york-yankees  I asked the President how he would go about taking over baseball, see it for yourself.

After threatening the New York Yankees soon after their W.S. victory in my interview, our president bestows order in baseball. With an iron glove I might add.

Our new "Commander in Commissioner" has put a stake through the heart of the world champions yesterday.

No longer, can the dreaded Yankees play in accordance to the rules and invest in their own business, Those days are now over.

The Yankees and any other team for that matter, will have to request a trade or any transaction before our newly appointed "Czar of baseball". He, will then decide if it is coherent with the hope and change agenda of the "One".

Once the deal gets the thumbs up from within the very sudden opaque windows of Senator Reid's office, and a bureaucrat gets a new yacht. Then, and only then, will a certain team get what they need.

To add insult to that invigorating slap I just gave you. Our new commish will create a new franchise "The Emperors".

This new team will consist of a roster that includes both old forgotten dictators..."hey, I remember that one" and today's bad boys who grace us every day with their spit in our eye.

This team will also be styling with community organisers and angry "foaming at the mouth" Hollywood leftist.

Oh joy! another high school drop out portraying himself/herself to be the ones with all the solutions to all my problems.

Next thing you know, they scurry right past where certain political prisoners are being so properly cared for, and rush to greet, with a hug and a smile, the dictator that torments those poor souls.

The first skipper needs no introduction in any empty kitchen in Cuba, but since most of my readers have been blessed with the fruits of liberty.

The manager of this infamous squad of narcissistic ego-maniacs will be the grand pub-ah of revolutionary's everywhere, the living dead and king of the Cuban archipelago "El Comandante" Fidel Castro.

Some say that this horrific caricature of a prehistoric relic bankrolled the Emperors franchise in another one of those behind closed door meetings in Senator Reid's office at our nations capital.

The bed ridden Castro will be dictating "all shots fired" Err, I mean, shots from his plush custom made $30,000,000 mattress/devise, where he controls the minds of anyone who comes within 700 miles of his box spring.

The very same machine that he uses to encourage the common Cuban to believe that what he is offering you is not a warm fresh turd, but a juicy moist tenderloin.

Those of you planning a trip to the largest island in the Caribbean, not to worry, if you remain within the highly recommended safe area's, then, a turd will remain a filthy turd and a steak will always be a steak.

                                                  The Lineup

3RD Base - Playing the "Hot" corner (no pun intended) is the charismatic skeleton/furor of the Third Reich 'Hitler'. Some may say "gotcha...Hitler was a right winger" for those I say read Toland's 1976 "Adolph Hitler" page 306.

Quote "We are socialists, we are enemies of today's capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with unfair salaries, with it's unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions" unquote.

Dear lord, is that Hitler? or is it the chatter coming from academia and in practically every turn in today's intellectual "Che' Guevara was a saint" community, or, it could have been my seven year old niece who by the way has way nice pig-tails.

Shortstop - Playing in the "Hole" (pun intended) is the grand daddy of all foolish  dictators who have locked horns with the mother of all elephants.

Saddam Hussein.

'Ole Sammy' like I enjoy calling him, is not your everyday common, school yard, leftist dictator per say, but hey, for old souvenir and two wars...What the heck.

Quote "This will be the mother of all wars" unquote.

After getting the proverbial shit kicked soundly out of him in the first war, this clown, had just enough crap in him to spew another dose of stupidity before getting pounded by an American made fly swatter for good and all.

Is there any doubt, that He is enjoying a smoldering hot cup of blistering flames at this very moment with his hell mate, 'Ho Chi Ming'.

Now we all know where the "follow the Ho Chi Ming trail" ends. It ends in a dark corner of hell, sharing a hot space with the aroma unfriendly 'Ole Sammy'.

2ND Base - Playing 2ND base will be the gritty 'Van Gogh' of Hollywood actors 'Sean Penn'.

Yes, like Van Gogh, who cut off his ear, this eccentric artist also cut a part of his body off causing irreversible damage to induce bleeding in his under wear.

Quote "Those who bathe in the moisture of your blood soaked under wear" unquote.

As you can see Mr Penn has reason to ramble on and on with his gibberish about how mad he is about something. I would be a raving "arms in the air" lunatic too.

First Base - At 1st base will be Rosie O'Donnell, that should absolutely destroy any desire for any batter to reach 1st base, unless of course he can put down a couple of dozen cases of beer before the game.

Lets see...two dozen cases has how many beer's? Ten cases has 240 beer's, so, 20 cases will be about 480 beers, plus 4 more cases will make it 574. Sure...After 550 beer's even Rosie can get lucky

Of course your risking liver failure in order to reach first base with a gleam in your eye. That gleam may very well be "The Rosietta stone syndrome".

That syndrome usually only happens when 550 beers is not enough, and the person wakes up, while Rosie is sitting on their lap and has her tongue in their mouth.

Quote "Fire can't melt steel" unquote.

Apparently, that same steel has not seen Rosie on a good day. Rosie's face could melt cold steel at a glance or in a "hussy fit" even permanently destroy that material they use on the space shuttle. 

pitcher - The Ace of the staff will be Mr screwball himself 'Hugo Chavez'. This is the typical stereotype of the usual insane dictator parody that we so often see in Hollywood.

He is almost to good to be true for the Hollywood crowd. Imagen a starstruck dictator that will due just about anything for the cache' of having these leftist elitist representing his regime.

Willing I am sure, to go as far as setting one of those "set it and forget it" missiles that he just purchased from the Russians, loose on his population. I mean we all love a good fireworks show, I know I do...Fire in the hole!

Quote "We have those new Russian missiles, they are the best, I call them "set it and forget it" missiles" unquote.

Oh... Isn't that a lovely gesture from a complete and total douche-bag of a human being, but he can really launch one heck of a fireworks show under the beautiful moonlit Venezuelan sky.

Catcher - The Diva of the left, the nose that knows no right...Barbra Streisand.

As she floats around her secluded mansion, arousing suspicion among the help, that she is nothing from this world. Barb enjoys lashing out and whipping the poor Mexicans that serve her with the electrical cord of her diamond enriched microphone.

"Take that, you peasant swine, waaapish!. How many times have I told you that I take my ice coffee with three and a third ice cubes. Next time I get 4 whole ice cubes there will be blood".

Quote " I don't allow my staff to look me in the eye's".

Well, that's the best bit of news that I have heard from that camp. I mean that cute quirky look that she used to have has transformed into hazardous smoke that is poisoning the tulips of her high-rise garden.

The Outfield - Bill Maher, Martin Sheen and Bennito Mussolini. Joseph Stalin is the forth outfielder.

You gotta love that Joey Stalin fella...

Quote " I trust no one, not even myself" and who could forget "If the opposition disarms, well and good, if it refuses to disarm, they shall perish in their own blood".

Funny how all leftists try and take our guns away, that has to be a crazy coincidence, right?

The Bullpen - Vladimir Lenin, Bill Ayers, Alec Balwin and Jane Fonda.

The Bench - Kim Jung Il, Janeane Garofalo and George Clooney.

The Closer/master of ceremony - Rev Jeremiah Wright, who, will also give one of his controversial parodies of an actual sermon after every win at home. It will surely tickle all the little children who hear one.

Quote "God Damn America!...God Damn America!...God Damn America!...It's chickens have come home to roost....God Damn America!...God Damn America!"

That's what I call a wholesome afternoon at the ballpark, maybe the pitcher Hugo Chavez will top it all off by launching some mortal state of the art fireworks too.

The Stadium - The stadiums name will be the "Obama Dome" and it's opening day festivities will include the burning of the American flag (in place of the traditional "Star Spangled Banner") and the seventh inning firing squad of political opponents (in place of "take me out to the ballgame).

Not to mention all the fun the youngsters will have roaming around in the real "dungeon of forgotten capitalist cafe" and the crowd shocking "guillotine show" after every home loss...And win.

The Sponsors - The P.L.O., Hamas, Acorn, FARC, The Black Panthers, The ACLU and PETA.

Public Relations Dept - Will be hosted by Born Again Christian 'Charlie Manson', who by the way has turned a new leaf, or so Governor Huckabee says.   

He will greet and take care of all the guests that pay the stadium a visit after hours. They will certainly be nicely surprised when approached by 'Crazy Charlie' who still carries with him that deliciously insane look in his eye's.

Quote "I am both God and the Devil" unquote.

I am sure that 'Crazy Charlie' will perform admirably under pressure, without a glitch. Smooth sailing for all those curious fans that come his way.  

My name is Joseph Jove, Snap!




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