NFC: Letters To Santa - Satire
It just so happens that I have a close friend who works in the mail department at the North Pole and I got my hands on few letters.
I’m sure if we read all the letters to Santa from the teams in the NFC we would find amazing discoveries about what these franchises think they need to win or what there desires are for this upcoming holiday season. Also within these letters you will read some information about past letters to Santa and how they foreshadowed Christmas wishes.
I have been told that Santa takes the time to read every letter he receives and we are to be assured that he will be checking them twice to see if the people have been naughty or nice.
Green Bay Packers
The team is really on a roll and I can almost smell the playoff birth. This would be our first time in the playoffs without that jerk 'Favre' in over 20 plus years. As you know Favre has come back to play for the rival Vikings and beat us twice, and did so badly in two games making my decision to trade him look foolish. I was kind of, sort of, hoping that I could cash in my request to you this year if and when we meet that old man in the playoffs in Minnesota. If we don’t get to play him again please, whatever you do, do not let Favre win a Superbowl for the Vikings. I will never be able to live this one down and don’t want to be remembered as the guy who traded away Brett Favre.
P.S. Thanks for letting the Jets collapse last season and miss the playoffs, and nice touch with the whole shoulder injury.
New Orleans Saints
I feel kind of foolish writing a letter to Santa but was told by another player in the league that it helped him win a Superbowl. He shall remain nameless. I like many people can’t believe how well we are doing this season at 12 – 0 escaping with several games that I didn’t think we would win. Wow, some defensive coordinators seem shocked that we throw it almost every single play and leave guys like Meach and Closton wide open. They also haven’t discovered that we have no running game. Anyways, I think this could be my best shot at getting a ring and don’t want to end up like Jim Kelly.
P.S. I never got that Malibu Barbie with roller skates when I was seven.
Everyone keeps talking about this metaphorical wall that my aging quarterback is going to hit. I can’t see this happening, but I overheard Favre explaining to that dope Drew Brees about how writing a letter to Santa helped him win a Superbowl. I will do whatever it takes to win a Superbowl. I thought I proved so by lying to my starting QB of last season, and trading for another I told had a chance to play, and then jumped at the first opportunity to get someone who is old enough to be a father to most of my players. Please don’t let Favre break down on me because if he does I have to rely on the person I threw under the bus at the beginning of the season.
P.S. Favre says to say thanks for letting the Packers suck last season and letting him dominate the Pack in two meetings this year.
Ok Santa, I promise this is the last letter. I know, I said that when you got me the try out with the Rams while I was stocking groceries in Canada. I said the same thing after the letter about winning the Superbowl. There was also the last time that you caught me forging a letter to you in my wife’s name asking for me to get another shot after the Giants. This time I really mean it. I only have a short time left in the NFL and would love to finish this year strong and make another great run in the playoffs. I really need this for a legitimate chance to be inducted in the Hall of Fame. Oh crap, so there will probably be one more letter with my name on it.
P.S. If you receive a letter from my son asking for the continued slow development of Matt Leinart, it really is his. I swear.
We have not had a winning month of December in 13 years. That is also the last time we won a playoff game. During this time we have undergone numerous changes in coaches, quarterbacks, and diva wide receivers. As side note Santa, please send something nice to TO. I mean it when I say he is like a son to me and darn it I just feel bad that he ended up in Buffalo. But back to me and America’s team the Dallas Cowboys, Santa I’m begging you for a winning month of December and if you could help us out somehow by giving us the edge to win our next three games I would really appreciate it. Heck, I will even raise the ridiculous scoreboard over the field just to make Mr. Goodell happy.
P.S. Don’t worry about helping us in the playoffs, because if we make it I am in negotiations to sell my soul to the devil.
If you enjoyed this please check out the AFC Letters to Santa @ BR Profile