Of Patriots and Prostitutes

Jim BouchardCorrespondent IDecember 12, 2009

FOXBORO, MA - OCTOBER 26: The mascot of the New England Patriots takes the field before a game with the St. Louis Rams at Gillette Stadium on October 26, 2008 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)
Jim Rogash/Getty Images

Aren’t things bad enough in Foxboro? The wheels may in fact be coming off the wagon!

First this week, Coach Bill blew his stack at four players late for a team meeting Wednesday during the winter’s first storm. One of the sanctioned players was Randy Moss.

At least he kept his mouth shut.

Another was Adalius Thomas, who complained he wasn’t part of the Jetson’s family. Well, Adalius, neither are the rest of us, but when it’s snowing we’re expected to get up earlier and get to work on time whether we can fly or not.

I hope these guys can cross the street on their own because the Feds pulled funding for the Patriots Place bridge project. They did decide to fund a puppet show in Philadelphia. I’m confused. They’re supposed to be funding “shovel ready” projects. People actually use shovels to build bridges. Do puppets use shovels?

There is a mascot who is going to need a shovel.

As the Tiger Woods sex scandal dominated the media, news trickled out about our own paragon of virtue and righteousness as Pat Patriot himself was arrested for alleged involvement in “prostitution related crimes.” It’s not clear whether he was giving or receiving.

Oh, and Tom and Gisele had a baby boy!

What the hell is going on here? Aren’t the Pats still in the playoff hunt? In fact, don’t they still lead the AFC East, which, if anyone has cared to notice, has suddenly become a very competitive division! Do they actually have a game this week against the Carolina Panthers?

We should be very concerned about the Panthers.

Tom Brady is listed as “questionable.” We’re used to seeing him listed as probable, but his injuries this week might just keep him out if Belichick thinks young Brian Hoyer can handle the offense.

Given that Brady’s best games so far were in losing efforts, that Moss and Welker and Sammy Morris are all healthy, and that Hoyer wasn’t plucked from the waiver wires, he may deserve a shot. Hoyer might be able to handle Carolina but Brady should heal up for what is still likely to be a playoff run. After all, he’s brought them back from the dead before.

The Panthers are starting a highly motivated Matt Moore coming off his first win as a starter this season. He’s 3-1 overall, and should be licking his chops to show he deserves the start against the Pat’s JV secondary.

More troubling is the weather forecast. There is a chance of rain predicted for game time. I sure hope all the Patriots players can get to Gillette on time.

Look, let’s get back to football:

  • Tom, rest and get back to your old self.
  • Unc, keep your mouth shut.
  • Pat Patriot, keep your wick dry.
  • Real Pats Fans, see you Sunday!