I Am Tiger Woods

Sean CroweSenior Writer IJune 18, 2008

I am Tiger Woods.

You think you can beat me? Well, you can’t.

I’m so good, I can spend two months recovering from knee surgery without playing a single competitive round of golf, and still show up and win the U.S. Open.

I might wince in pain after every tee shot, but my tee shot will still be longer and straighter than yours.

I am Tiger Woods.

Phil Mickelson wants to be me, but he can’t.  

Nobody can. 

When we play together, I rise to the occasion. He shrivels like a prune. But, it’s not his fault. You would too.

I am Tiger Woods.

When I’m involved in tournaments, people watch. 

Even people like Sean Crowe, who normally could care less about golf, will tune in to see me sink the game-tying putt on the seventy-second hole of the tournament. 

And, you better believe he won’t miss me do the same thing in my eighteen-hole playoff on Monday. 

When it goes to sudden death, everyone stops and watches. Which is odd, because they already know the result. They just want to see how I get there. 

I am Tiger Woods.

I’ve been playing on a torn ACL for almost a year. 

Frankly, it was nice to finally have a challenge. After all, nobody on the PGA tour could stop me. 

Even with the torn ACL, I won my first four tournaments this year. 

I am Tiger Woods.

Most of the time, when a normal person breaks their leg, they take a step back. 

Not me. 

A broken leg can't stop me. I could beat you on one leg.

Sure, it hurt, but not as bad as it must have hurt all of the other "golfers" who aren’t the current U.S. Open Champions.

I am Tiger Woods.

Golf will survive while I’m recovering from my surgery, but it won’t be the same. 

There won’t be the excitement. 

There won’t be the large crowds or the huge weekend ratings. 

I guess it’ll be nice not to know who’s going to win each tournament, but it won’t be as fun without me. 

Like it or not, I am Golf. 

When I’m not there, it’s like watching NFL Europe, the NBADL, or minor league baseball. Or a slightly better version of the WNBA. 

Expect great, right?

I am Tiger Woods.

Some people have said that I’ll never fully recover from this surgery. That I’m starting to get old. That my best years are behind me. 

Those people are wrong. 

It’s my PGA tour. When I get back next year, I’ll be glad to take it back from whoever borrows it this summer.

I am Tiger Woods.

And I’m just flat out better than you.

Sean Crowe is a Senior Writer at Bleacher Report. You can email him at scrowe@gmail.com. His archive can be found here. You can find everything he writes, including articles for other publications, here.