Has Tiger Woods been a Tigger? You know? Tigger! That bouncy tiger thing in the Winnie the Pooh cartoons and books?
According to all of the women that have suddenly come forward, perhaps he has been a Tigger, bouncing between women, jumping from bed to bed while he travels from city to city. It wouldn’t be the first time that a pro athlete with a spotless reputation (MJ, anyone?) suddenly came up dirty in the bedroom.
Not only does it appear that Tiger’s wife tried to scratch his face off because of the affair (Running to his car barefoot? Driving away in a hurry? What else could it be?), but it also appears that this isn't the first time that Mr. Woods had produced a needed woody with someone other than his wife.
News on Tiger Woods coming clean about his transgressions are spreading like wildfire on the net. Who woulda thunk it? El Tigre Perfecto Senor Woods having an affair with not just one, but possibly three women?
Of course, I have a much different list. To me, El Tigre Perfecto would only sleep with someone as perfect or close to perfect as himself. Because of that, I’ve created a list along with odds, detailing whom the Master of the Stroke might have gotten it on with.
Top 5 Most Likely Tiger Woods’ Mistresses
5. Brangelina +50,000 — Apart Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie reach infinity -1. Together, they are infinity +1 which means that they probably wouldn’t lower themselves to the just “perfect” Mr. Woods. Supra-perfect never lowers itself to just perfect. Not in Hollywood, baby! Then again, if any dude, including Tiger, were to have a threesome and another man had to be involved…
4. Barbra Streisand +2500 — Babs is babs and everybody knows it. Unlike Liza Minelli, who almost made this list for being the perfect alcoholic, Babs is just, well, perfect. Ask anybody. She can sing, she can dance, she can probably cook, and considering that she slept with Nick Nolte and not only lived to tell about it but solved his marriage issues as well (in the Prince of Tides ), makes her the perfect candidate for El Tigre Perfecto.
3. Kim Brown (Cleveland Brown running back Jim Brown’s daughter) +500 — "Dear Jim Brown : You alleging that I don’t do enough for the African community reeks of hypocrisy. Just last night your daughter Kim and I scored a miraculous come back after failing to deliver the goods. She has the details regarding the entire wonderfully blessed ordeal. Let’s just say that yours truly is better at scoring a hole-in-one in things other than golf than anyone your daughter has ever met in the supposed African community. I give it up plenty and so does Kim. Sincerely, El Tigre Perfecto”
2. Oprah -200 — I know that Oprah would never do this, but like the old question asks, “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody heard or saw it, did it really fall?” The forest in this case, of course, is El Tigre Perfecto’s mind and the tree would be Oprah because Oprah is the most perfect, beautiful, entity that the universe has ever been graced with. I’m getting butterflies in my stomach thinking about her…
1. El Tigre Perfecto -50,000 - - Duh. Does this one need any explanation? Does it? Who else would the Master of the Stroke perfect his already perfect stroke with? Duh!!