16 Signs You're Breaking Up with Your Favorite Sports Team

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are terminal cases, you know, blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable." -Woody Allen

Here are a few clues that you're favorite professional sports franchise is making you miserable and therefore, you are breaking up with them.

One

They lost the first 18 games of the season.

Two

They were on TV. So was Braveheart. You tried to flip back and forth, but eventually Braveheart won out.

Three

You spent an hour on eBay trying to see if that bobble head is worth anything. It’s not. You bid on a starter jacket though.

Four

Their old white cheapskate owner was recently sued for racial and housing discrimination. And he’s guilty.

Five

You say it’s not cheating. It’s just casually rooting against your team so they can secure a better spot in the draft.

Six

They left you for someone in Oklahoma City.

Seven

You talked to a cute girl wearing their jersey. She said they were her favorite team and laughed, but you just yelled at her for liking them. She was giving you an opening, idiot.

Eight

They signed a free agent who just served jail time for felony animal cruelty.

Nine

They raised the price of beer at the stadium another dollar. And it’s Land Shark Lager.

Ten

A group of you got together and put up a billboard asking the owner to “Do the right thing, please hire a GM.”

Eleven

The words you use to describe team chemistry are the same ones you use to describe your child's youth soccer team. The words you use to describe the head coach are also the same ones you use to describe your child's youth soccer coach.

Twelve

You use the first person plural to talk about them. How much we suck, how much we blow, among other phrases that involve fellatio.

Thirteen

The local news showed their highlights after they showed the high school sports highlights.

Fourteen

The take home plastic cup of theirs melted in the dishwasher. It just melted.

Fifteen

Your wife threw out your favorite game day T-shirt. That’s untrue, actually. You gave it to her and said you couldn’t stand the sight of it anymore. That night, you were the little spoon.

Sixteen

Except for the circus, there’s just not that much else to do in town besides root for them. So you’ve decided to take up juggling.