You Won't Get This from Tiger's Caddie, Steve Williams

Larry SnarkvilleAnalyst INovember 30, 2009

SHANGHAI, CHINA - NOVEMBER 08:  Tiger Woods of the USA waits with Steve Williams on the 16th hole during the final round of the WGC-HSBC Champions at Sheshan International Golf Club on November 8, 2009 in Shanghai, China.  (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images)
Andrew Redington/Getty Images

1. Caddies DO talk about the players they caddy for. And it's usually NOT flattering. We know you've "never played this badly," that you "shot 75 two days ago," and that you're going to "take care of us." We've heard and seen most of it by now.

2. Never pick up a discarded towel on the golf course. It's laying there for a good reason. You don't want to be "Squeezing the Charmin" on the golf course.

3. Curse words function as every part of speech.

4. We are not discriminating eaters. Wait up to six hours BEFORE your loop and see how good road kill looks. If we drink any more energy drinks, eat another energy bar, and or have any more caffeine, we'll blow up.

5. Powder, cards, socks, and tobacco are staples.

6. Carnival workers and caddies are not too distant cousins.

7. Personification of body parts and bodily functions define our speech patterns.

8. Truth is stranger than fiction in the caddy yard, i.e., the "turdle" in the cup, the caddy who lives in a tree, and finding "lost balls" are all realities.