Elin Nordegren vs. Rachel Uchitel: What Was Tiger Woods Thinking?

Last week, The National Enquirer released a story that Tiger Woods was having an affair with a woman named Rachel Uchitel. Now, I'm not the kind of person who normally believes anything from that particular publication, but after all the suspicious behavior from Tiger and his wife, Elin, I'm starting to think that there may be a shred of truth in this.

So that begs the question, why on God's green earth would Tiger Woods cheat on his incredibly hot wife with a woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Parissa Piller?

Let's take a look at both women and try to see exactly what Tiger was thinking.

Elin Nordegren

We all know the deal by now, but let's go over it one more time just to make sure.

Nordegren and her twin sister had been working as au pairs for Jesper Parnevik who introduced her to Woods, most likely to throw him off his game.

The Swedish model/nanny and Woods fall in love and get married.

You couldn't have planned it any better, that is unless her breasts dispensed beer.

Rachel Uchitel

Uchitel has quite a story of her own.

She first came into the public eye when a picture of her looking for her husband after 9/11 was shown in the newspaper.

She later found love, divorced after four months, and became a VIP hostess at a nightclub.

Uchitel got her first taste of tabloids when she allegedly had an affair with David Boreanaz.

Relationship To Tiger: Elin

Loving wife, mother of their two children. Nordegren is the best kind of trophy wife in that she is very much in the public eye. She goes to watch him play all the time and doesn't hide out in her giant mansion away from cameras.

We have plenty of opportunities not only to see her beautiful face, but almost always the couple together.

Relationship To Tiger: Rachel

As a VIP hostess, Uchitel has the opportunity to meet lost of famous people, which is exactly how she met Tiger back in June at a club in Manhattan.

Later Rachel and Tiger stayed at the same hotel in Australia where Tiger was playing in a tournament.

Just exactly how much contact they had during that time is a mystery, but you know what they say: What happens in Australia, stays in Australia.

Crazy Factor: Elin

Only Tiger knows for sure right now, but it's starting to seem like there may have been more to Elin than we ever knew.

Allegedly, after hearing of the affair and confronting Tiger, Elin attacked him, scratching up his face, then taking a golf club to his car and causing him to get into an accident as he drove away.

Now, it's very possible that this is a big lie and that she really was heroically going to save him with that golf club.

But which really seems more likely?

Crazy Factor: Rachel

Nordegren may be crazier than we thought, but it's not like Uchitel (the brunette on the right) is the most stable person in the world.

Here's what she said about Elin: "Despite it being completely untrue, it still must have certainly caused some problems at home — if I was his wife, I probably would have killed him."

Denying the affair in a different instance, she let loose with this gem: "If you talked to any of my old boyfriends, and I’m sure they all hate me, but they’d all confirm that I don’t sex-message. I don’t do it, I don’t know how to do it.”

All of her ex-boyfriends hate her? She'd kill her husband if there was ever an untrue rumor about him cheating on her?

Yeah, she's a catch.

Even before you throw in all of the drunken pictures of her at nightclubs.

Beach Body: Elin

Let's just say if the Swedish Bikini Team (yes, a real thing) had an opening, Elin wouldn't even need a try-out.

Beach Body: Rachel

Surprisingly, this isn't a slam dunk. While Elin is obviously a Hall-Of-Fame hottie in every way, I think it's safe to say that one or two guys out there wouldn't mind a roll in the hay with Uchitel.

Final Verdict: Elin

Listen, Tiger Woods has already made his choice. He married Elin, she had his children, it's a no brainer. Nobody is more for the sanctity of marriage than I am.

But when you add to the fact that she might be the kind of woman that goes crazy on you when a tabloid reports that you're having an affair, causing you to drive into a tree while trying to get away, and then ask you to take the blame yourself...

Just another reason why Tiger should never, ever cheat on her again.

That is... if he ever did.

Which is still a rumor. And that whole "cover up" thing with the accident, too. No one still knows exactly what happened. It very well could have occurred exactly as they described it.

...I'm not going to get sued, right?

Final Verdict: Rachel

Rachel Uchitel seems like the perfect kind of girl to have a one-night stand with (assuming you have Fort Knox-like protection).

But the kind of girl you would cheat on your Swedish-model-wife who happens to have a twin sister? I don't think so.

Either Tiger Woods had a Jean Van de Velde-type screw up, or this is just a big misunderstanding.

If I could have given Tiger some advice before this whole ordeal, I would have told him to ignore his sponsor's advice. Don't "Just Do It!"

More On The Tiger Woods Drama

Check out Elin Nordegren: Crazy Hot Or Just Plain Crazy? or Rachel Uchitel, Check Out Tiger Woods' Alleged Mistress!