"When I heard Lovie say in his after-game press conference Sunday that I would be coming out tomorrow, implying that everything was okay," said the Sun, "I decided not to come out. So great is Lovie Smith's incompetence and inability to lead that even I, the Sun, have decided that he must be fired."
Bears fans had reportedly given up on praying that God damn Lovie Smith and GM Jerry Angelo to the deepest bowels of unemployment and had begun praying to the Sun roughly ten minutes into the third quarter of Sunday's embarrassing, soul-crushing loss to the Minnesota Vikings.
"I decided that if God wouldn't step in, it was my turn," the Sun added, "people haven't prayed to me in a long time, and I knew things were bad if they were willing to once again turn to primitive Sun-worship."
"Its pretty cold," remarked one Bears fan from the comfort of his home, deciding to take the day off from work to start a fire in his backyard, cover himself in Aztec war paint, and engage in elaborate Sun-devotion ceremonies.
Lovie Smith could not be reached for comment, as he was asleep in his office as of press time.