Are you ready for one of the longest Chuck Norris jokes ever written?

Cripes, here goes...

Many scientists have been under the impression that global warming has been the leading cause behind the melting ice glaciers in our polar caps since around 1958. 

Coincidentally, that also happened to be around the exact same time that the now legendary martial artist known as Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris began his martial arts training at the age of 18, in Tang Soo Do, which is a Korean martial art combing the disciplines of Shotokan karate and Shaolin kung-fu.

More recent studies are now indicating that the “melting” effect has not been caused by carbon dioxide emissions, methane, nitrous oxide, deforestation, or the erosion of permafrost as previously suspected.

The real cause?

…wait for it…

A deceptively warm global-sized breeze created solely by the continuous and powerful round house kicks by none other than…you guessed it…the man himself…Chuck Norris.

[SILENCE]

Hey, I didn’t promise it was going to be funny, but with that being said, you really can’t argue with science.

So how exactly would a legend like Chuck Norris (1969) fare against some of our more beloved UFC Hall of Fame Superstars?  Perhaps a fight against Chuck Liddell, who also happens to be an American Kempo/Koei-Kan karate kickboxer (with a record of 20 wins and 2 losses), would be a good way to find out?

And don’t get me wrong, I really like the new Chuck, but to be perfectly honest, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch him dance.  I’m referring to the Chuck that we all love and respect—the year was 2006.  You had pimples.

[INSERT FLASHBACK MEMORY]

Back in 1969, when Chuck Norris was in the prime of his fighting career, he was more than just a promising, young action movie and television star with concrete fists of fury.  He was a full-fledged, honest to goodness, full-contact kickboxer, long before the UFC days were ever introduced. 

And he was the best.

In 1969, Chuck Norris won Karate’s Triple Crown for the most tournament wins of the year, and the Fighter of the Year award by Black Belt Magazine. 

By 1974, Chuck Norris retired with a karate record of 183 wins and only 10 losses (the final loss occurring in 1968).  He was the professional Middleweight Karate Champion and remained unbeaten for over six consecutive years.

“I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 at the age of 35 and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose, so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case,” Chuck Norris has said.

We all know Chuck Liddell is one of the most devastating punchers in all of history.  Well, I guess truthfully we would have no way of knowing that for sure, but it sounds cool.  Plus, he’s probably pretty close. 

In fact, come to think of it, I’ll bet that you couldn’t say for certain that any one person in the history of this planet has ever hit harder than the “Iceman”.  Well I know of one.

His name is Chuck Norris.

[GASP]

Now I ask you, if Chuck Norris could single-handedly devastate our wretched little planet with one full sweep of his enormous tree trunk-sized leg— what possible chance would Chuck Liddell (circa 2006) have? 

I suspect that it wouldn’t take very long for the “Iceman” to become a “Puddleboy”.

Cheers

Please visit www.mrjamesryan.com

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?