Hair Today, More Tomorrow: The Story of Tim Lincecum's Awesome Mane

November 19th 2009 marked an important turning point in not only Tim Lincecum's baseball career, but his life as well. The 25 year old ace of the San Francisco Giants won his second NL Cy Young in as many years, becoming the first pitcher in Major League Baseball history to win back to back Cy Youngs in his first two full major league seasons. Undoubtedly, the pitcher with the small frame and the big right arm has lived up to his moniker, "The Freak."

As I sat at my desk watching the Giants press conference announcing that Lincecum had won the award, I began to think that maybe, just maybe, Giants fans and media were actually playing a cruel trick on poor Timmy. Was it possible that his nickname wasn't derived from his slight stature and his herky jerky delivery that would blow most pitchers' arms out, but in fact, a commentary on his ever-growing mane of awkwardness?

The question fascinated me. So, I thought it appropriate to look at the evolution of Tim Lincecum's hair. What does it mean? What is he trying to tell us? And, most importantly, who the hell does he remind me of?

The Summer in Cape Cod

We will pick up Timmy's hair legacy in 2005, the summer months after his Sophomore year at the University of Washington. Lincecum was selected to pitch for the Harwich Mariners of the Cape Cod League, a prestigious wooden bat league for many of the top collegiate prospects across the country. Having not yet embraced his love of the flow, Tim pitched that summer with a military style crop cut, which eerily resembled...

The Summer in Cape Cod Cont.

...Freddie Prinze Jr. in everyone's (least) favorite baseball movie, Summer Catch! Like Timmy, Freddie was a fire-throwing collegiate prospect spending his summer pitching in the Cape Cod League. Unlike Timmy, Prinze Jr. looked like he was having muscle spasms every time he went into his wind-up. (In a slightly unrelated note, I listened to the Director of Summer Catch Michael Tollin on a Bill Simmons podcast recently. Tollin told Simmons a story about wanting to have a few Major League pitchers work with Prinze Jr. on his horrific throwing motion for the film's baseball scenes. Prinze Jr. refused, citing his "inherent natural ability." But I digress.) One discrepancy we can assume exists between Prinze Jr's character in Summer Catch and Lincecum during his Cape Cod League days is that Timmy didn't have a 19 year old Jessica Biel waiting for him in the stands after every outing. However, we can't feel too bad for Lincecum, as his baseball career has fared a tad better than the cadaver that is Prinze Jr's acting career.

The Pro Career Begins

On June 30th 2006, Lincecum signed his first pro contract with the San Francisco Giants, which included $2.025 million dollar signing bonus. At the time, it was the highest signing bonus ever given to an amateur player by the Giants organization. The kid from a middle-class suburb of Seattle had become boy band (NSYNC, not O-Town) rich overnight.
As often is the case, the financial freedom brought many other pressures that Timmy wasn't prepared for, a tale well told by a high school senior 20 years earlier in Chicago...

The Pro Career Begins Cont.

...Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller's best friend! Tortured by the excessive wealth and expectations of an overbearing father, Cameron felt an intense sense of internal conflict. We can only imagine during his early pro days, Timmy felt a similar sense of internal conflict every time he felt the cold metal of the Supercuts shears on his stringy black locks. Luckily for Giants fans, Matt Cain doesn't seem to quite have quite the personality good ol' Ferris had, so we can be rest assured we won't be seeing either of them dancing on floats during the Von Steuben Day Parade and lip-syncing to "Danke Schoen."

Finding Himself

Entering the 2008 season, Lincecum was beginning to enter his comfort zone, both professionally and follicley. After posting a 7-5 record in his rookie campaign, piling up 150 strikeouts in 146.1 innings pitched, expectations were high for The Freak in his first full season. He met those expectations head on (yes, intended). We first saw signs of what was to come in a postgame press conference early in the '08 campaign. Donning a black beanie, locks of Lincecum's hair came pouring out over his ears and forehead, giving him unmistakable resemblance to a certain emo rocker...

Finding Himself Cont.

...Fall Out Boy's very own, Pete Wentz! I've often wondered what identifying one's self as "emo" meant. The term "emo" derives from the word "emotional", which seems to be at the core of living life along the emo path. As the Obi Wan Kanobi of the emo movement, Wentz began wearing beanie caps with the long black strands of hair covering his forehead a few years ago. Obviously, this is a testament to not caring about appearance (and it only costs $299 for the hair coloring, treatment, and styling to tell everyone you don't care!). We can't give too much flak to Wentz, however, because his "I'm apathetic to everything, just like my t-shirt says" attitude did snag himself a Simpson sister, though I'm not entirely sure if that deserves kudos these days.

Running from Paddles

As spring training got under way for the 2009 season, expectations for the Giants wasn't very high. Coming off a disappointing season, without much of a roster shakeup besides the acquisition of a 66 year old Randy Johnson, Giants fans were unsure of what the '09 Giants were capable of. Those same musings were happening regarding Timmy's hair. Things could go one of two ways: scale back the flowing mullet (silent t, rhymes with Robert Goulet), or, like a roulette player at seedy card den in Oakland feeling good about red, let it ride. It's still to be determined if the roulette ball landed in a black or red slot, but regardless, Timmy bares an eerie resemblance to another baby-faced pitcher...

Running from Paddles Cont.

...Mitch Kramer! You may or may not remember this face from the 1993 classic, Dazed and Confused (unless you've seen the movie, you probably don't, considering this guy made Freddie Prinze Jr look like Laurence Olivier). Like Timmy, young Mitch enjoyed baseball, summertime, and smoking weed while driving around town (too soon?). Unlike Timmy, Mitch was constantly being harassed by the older guys in his high school, eventually getting a full-throttled behind paddling from some members of the football team. If only Giants fans were so lucky to have the older guys of our team hit anything with a wooden bat, even if it was our ace's ass (Everyone can thank Aaron Rowand and his .261 batting average and 15 homers for that gem of a joke). Moving along.

Is Our Ace a Female Punk Rocker?

As we all know, The Freak dominated the NL this year, posting a 2.48 ERA and striking 261 batters in only 225 innings. Though our Judas San Francisco Chronicle beat writers voted for Adam Wainwright and Chris Carptenter to win the award, cooler heads prevailed and Timmy won his second consecutive Cy Young. The hair was a different story. Thankfully, the beanie cap/emo phase has passed, and Timmy is now in uncharted territory. His hair is groundbreaking, unadulterated, dirty, counter-culture, borderline revolutionary, much like the music of punk rock and performance art legend...

I Our Ace a Female Punk Rocker?

...Patti Smith! I must admit, the 1970's New York punk rock scene isn't something I'm entirely well versed in, but from what scholars of the era have told me (whoever wrote her Wikipedia page), Smith was at the forefront of the punk culture revolution. Combining gritty chords, poetry, and jazz fusion, Smith defined a generation of young people who were still upset over Vietnam, the economic crisis of the late 70's, and disco music.
I've tried desperately to find the common theme between the Godmother of 70's punk rock and Timmy, but have been grasping at straws. I'll let the picture do the talking. The best pitcher in baseball is a bizarro female punk rocker. Enough said (I guess?).

What the Future Holds

The future for Tim Lincecum can go any number of ways. We're all pretty certain, that based on his mechanics and training regimen, Lincecum has a long and bountiful baseball career ahead of him. But what will happen to his hair? Can it grow forever? Could Bud Selig step-in if his hair covered his number 55? Will batters complain that it's a distraction?
Only time will answer these questions. We are all excited to see what happens next. But I must ask one favor of you, Timmy. Please don't bleach your mane. If you do...

What the Future Holds Cont.

...I won't be able to get Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" out of my head for the next 8-12 years.