Nick Johnson: Son of the Sultan, and who is the mistress?

Garrett BackesContributor IJune 13, 2008

I like to think that I am an expert when it comes to look-alikes in sports and entertainment.  That being said, I would like to present you with this theory: Nick Johnson is the illegitimate son of the Bambino and Nathan Lane. Just think about it for a bit.  Besides the obvious, stunning similarities in physical appearance, I have an educated guess as to how this conjugation could have come about.  Both performed their respective jobs in New York, Lane on Broadway and Babe, well, you know... So I assert that after a long night of carousing, Mr. Ruth bumped into Mr. Lane at the local tavern, and most assuredly the two found each other quite attractive, being they are both handsome men in their own special way; with the beer goggles on, all bets were off. The rest, as they say, is history.  Oh, what's that? The age logistics don't add up? Never mind that. Surely it was birth certificate fraud. We've already seen one case of such foul play recently, so I find it entirely feasible for such a "mistake" to be made to cover up the truth about the Babe and Mr. Lane's infidelities. Case closed. Next!