The Top 10 Offensive Lowlights for 2009 Buffalo Bills

This slide show is dedicated to the Buffalo Bills offense for the 2009 season. For the first eight games of this year, the Bills offense has found new ways to set back modern football in the NFL by at least three decades.

This picture is Ryan Fitzpatrick getting sacked last week in the Houston game by rookie Brian Cushing. The offensive line has repeatedly allowed defenses to put constant pressure on the quarterback, resulting in a concussion to Trent Edwards, and many sacks.

Turk Schonert - Creator of the No-Huddle Offense

Turk Schonert was the Bills Offensive Coordinator coming into the 2009 season. He was asked to come up with a scheme that would allow Trent Edwards to go to a new level, utilize high priced Terrell Owens, and give the Bills a more dynamic offense.

Schonert devised the no-huddle offense attack, to keep opposition defenses on the field, to limit their substitutions, and to dictate personnel match ups, along with dictating tempo.

The problem with the no-huddle was that there was a lack of communication between the players, and with at least three initially, and later on, four first time starting offensive lineman involved, this proved to be a huge problem for them to settle down, recall the play, and remember the snap count.

Schonert forgot to make the offense simple enough for Dick Jauron to understand, so he was relieved of his duties within days of the opening game. During his exit interview, Schonert complained that Jauron wants a Mickey Mouse style offense.

Trent Edwards - a.k.a Captain Checkdown

The reason that Trent Edwards is holding his head, is because his head hurts. Trent was sacked a whopping 19 times while starting five-plus games.

He started off the year with two good games, a QB Passer Rating of 114 and 97. The next three were clunkers (56, 51, and 52). For the year, Trent has thrown six interceptions, and five touchdowns. Not exactly a great ratio.

Trent was at the helm for the Cleveland game when the Bills lit up the scoreboard for three points. He couldn't find a way to settle down the offensive line that committed nine false start penalties. One of the worst all-time home game performances in the storied history of the Bills.

His reluctance to throw the ball downfield to Lee Evans, and Terrell Owens, and settle for little swing passes to his backs, is why he is now nicknamed Captain Check Down in Buffalo.

He should come back to start Week 10 against Tennessee, and we can only hope that he suffers no more concussions for the rest of his career.

Mr Beast Mode - Marshawn Lynch

Great picture as Marshawn shows off his textbook form for running with the football. This is not beast mode, but rather hot dog style, as he saunters in to the end zone for his only touchdown through the first half of the season.

Marshawn has continued to find new ways to get in trouble during each off-season. He has had trouble maturing into a stand up citizen, forget role model, and as a result NFL Commissioner Roger Godell said enough is enough, and suspended Marshawn for the first three games of the 2009 season. Way to go Marshawn.

What has he done so far besides scoring the one touchdown? In 70 carries this year, he has ripped off a fourteen yard gain, his longest run of the season. He is averaging 3.1 yards a carry on the year. Will probably be holding out, demanding a larger salary next season.

Marshawn had a crucial drop on a third down in the Houston game, and was called for a holding penalty in the same drive. He will be looking to cool off the Beast mode for two weeks, and then start it all back up again in Tennessee.

Terrell Owens - The Six Million Dollar Man

Here you see Terrell Owens using mental telepathy to share his observations with Lee Evans on how the secondary they are facing in Miami is preventing him from getting the ball.

T.O. was signed to a six million dollar contract in the offseason to be the missing link, and lead the Bills to the playoffs. He was to have taken pressure off of Lee Evans, and give the Bills the added weapon to stretch the field, and be a home run threat.

The city of Buffalo in return gave him all the adoration he could handle, plus awarded him with the key to the city. Terrell then promised 10 touchdowns, and that the Bills would be in the playoffs.

So far, T.O. has scored two touchdowns, has dropped numerous passes, and shown lackluster desire to fight for the ball on longer passes. His blocking is half-hearted, and he quits running on plays where he is the decoy.

Strangely, young receivers like James Hardy follow him around like a puppy dog, because he has so many outstanding qualities, and experience to emulate? T.O. leads the league in drops, but likes that Dick Jauron gives him most Friday's off from practice. If that strikes you as weird, you are not alone.

Alex Van Pelt - The Bills Offensive Coordinator

Alex Van Pelt was thrust into the Offensive Coordinator role after Turk Schonert was canned before the opening game.

With very little experience at calling a game, Alex was asked to learn on the job. He responded with a couple strong games to start out the year against New England, and Tampa Bay.

After that, it became clear to the rest of he league what the Bills were running, and from Week Three on, the Bills' offense has continued to be stuck in neutral. Dick Jauron had asked for a plain vanilla offense, and Van Pelt was then asked to create something from that starting point.

Alex came down from the press box to see the game from the sidelines, and it appears he will continue to do that. Hopefully somebody else is up there in the press box to spot where the defensive holes are, and they will find a way to relay the information in time for him to use it.

However, their communication, right now, isn't working very well. The Bills have now had back to back games where they only had nine fist downs for the whole game. They lead the NFL in the most three-and-out drives. No wonder Alex is not smiling.

The Buffalo Bills Offensive Line

I chose this picture because it is a great illustration of why the Bills lead the league in three-and-out drives. Here is a rushing play that Ryan Fitzpatrick is pitching out to Freddy Jackson. Before Freddy has even touched the ball, the opposition has already caved in the offensive line, and his escort has vanished.

In this game against Houston, Freddy rushed nine times for 28 yards, averaging 3.1 yards/carry. His longest run on the day was for five yards, and I am guessing that this play was not the one he gained five yards on.

The Bills have been leading the NFL in penalties after five weeks, and the offensive linemen were the main culprits, along with the special teams players.

The line is the youngest in the NFL—three rookies in Eric Wood, Andy Levitre, Jamon Meredith, and a fourth player—Demetrius Bell—that is starting for the first time. They will improve with age, but right now they will largely struggle for this year.

Leodis McKelvin and Roscoe Parrish Fumble Away Two Games

Special teams play may be stretching the "Offensive Lowlights" theme to some, but they can certainly contribute to offensive field position, or not.

Here is Leodis McKelvin fumbling away the kickoff on Monday Night Football against the New England Patriots, which led to Tom Brady orchestrating the winning drive. McKelvin simply had to down the kick in the end zone, and the Bills were faced with killing the final two minutes of the game to earn a win, but McKelvin decided to bring it out, and the rest is history.

Roscoe Parrish has opted to not catch quite a few punts in the first five weeks, with the end result meaning that the Bills were often faced with starting out drives within their own five yard line. Parrish's decision to field a bouncing punt led to his fumble, which Cleveland turned into the game winning points in the 6-3 laughter at Ralph Wilson Stadium.

The Bills special teams unit, historically one of the best in the NFL year in and year out, was leading the league in penalties, and has failed to return a kick, or punt for a touchdown this season.

Brad Butler and Derek Schouman - Injured and Out for the Year

The Bills' defense has been ravaged by injuries far worse than the offense has. But, losing both Derek Schouman and Brad Butler early on in the year has been difficult blow for the Bills to deal with.

The Bills were already lean at both tackle, and tight end coming in to the year. Butler and Schouman were both early in their careers, and needed to gain valuable experience. The Bills have been searching for an answer since both players went down.

At tight end, Derek Fine, Shawn Nelson, and Jonathan Stupar have largely been ineffective, or injured, or both.

At tackle, Chris Chambers and Jamon Meredith have taken turns replacing Butler. Meredith has some upside, but he is now out with a sprained knee, and so it goes.

Tom Modrak and Mike Williams

Here is Mike Williams being carted off the field during a game when he was having trouble standing up. Seems he was so big his legs couldn't support him, so he asked the cart driver for a lift. This genius selection with the first round pick was under the watch of Tom Modrak, and I am sure others will want to claim partial credit for this find.

The selection of Williams with the first pick sent the Bills organization backwards at least five years, in fact they still haven't recovered.

Dick Jauron - Mastermind of the Vanilla Offense

Ah, the best for last. The top reason the Bills' offense is as putrid as it is.

I was thinking of putting up a Mickey Mouse picture here, but didn't have expressed written consent from Walt Disney Company, so I instead settled for this picture of Dick Jauron explaining to the ref that his plays were working on the chalk board.

Jauron played safety in the NFL, and got his first coaching assignment as a Defensive Backs Coach for the Bills. He later evolved in to a Defensive Coordinator role before becoming a head coach. Through all of these roles, you will notice that he has been, or was a defensive player, or coach. He does not have an offensive mind, and firing Schonert for an offense that was too hard to understand was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Dick Jauron is a very nice man, and is Ivy League educated, so you know he is smart. I am sure he will find another job next year, but I just don't want him to be the head coach of my favorite football team anymore.