Salvaging The Skins: A Simple Plan

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This being a bye week, I thought it’s time to play Redskins’ GM. Which really is a fantasy game, because since Dan Snyder’s taken over, the team’s never actually had one. They’ve had team presidents and directors of player personnel and currently have the Vinny as vice president of football operations. But no GM. It’s like Snyder’s allergic to those letters.

And it’s clear that none of these iterations of attempted football team creation are working. I mean, half the time I’m convinced there isn’t even a person working in the front office, just a a DVD of Austin Powers on repeat. I can actually picture it…

Scene: The eve of free agency, Danny walks into his GM’s office.         

DANNY: Hey, what’s it gonna take to get Albert Hanyesworth?

DVD of AUSTIN POWERS: One-hundred million dollars!

DANNY: Alright. Let’s do it.

And now we’re heading toward Snyder Armageddon, an uncapped year combined with an insanely weak free agent class. Who knows what he’ll do. I can see him burning piles of money in the parking lot. I can see him offering Chad Pennington $75 million. I don’t know which is worse.

And it won’t solve anything. This team is in utter disarray. It’s almost impossible to find an NFL team that has a pressing need at every single position, but that’s the spot the Skins are in. Jeez, even the Rams have their left tackle of the future. The Redskins barely have a left tackle for Sunday.  

But there is hope. Teams can flip it around. The obvious example is the Miami Dolphins, who went from 1-15 two years ago to 10-6 and the playoffs. And this season, although they’re 3-4, they’re still 3-0 in the AFC East.

So here’s my plan to save this failed state. Consider it my open audition to be this team’s GM. And if you’re wondering what makes me qualified to give this analysis, well, just look at who’s running the show right now.

Let’s start with the draft.

The Draft

Wait here while I give Danny a quick explanation of what the NFL Draft is. I’ll be right back.

…

…

Okay, I think he gets it. I told him he could still give these guys money too.

This year the Redskins have five picks: a first, second, fourth, fifth and seventh.  Their third went to grab Jeremy Jarmon in this season’s supplemental draft (who seems to be a find). Their sixth, though, went to Miami in the Jason Taylor trade (Which was such an appallingly poor move it makes Britain and France’s decision to give Hitler Czechoslovakia look genius). But they still have good options.  

Judging on what we’ve seen so far, the Skins will be picking somewhere in the 4-7 range. Typically, this would be an ideal spot to trade down. The Browns did it last year, getting a first and a second rounder plus three players for the fifth pick. That helped the Browns add depth.  

Hold on again.

“Dan, depth is a noun that refers to the strength of a team in terms of the number and quality of its substitute players. Yes, yes, you can give these people money too. No, not that much.”

Okay. So the Redskins probably won’t trade down. In that slot, there could be one of the big three quarterbacks available. The Lions won’t draft one, nor will the Chiefs. But the Browns, Titans and Raiders all might. By the time the Redskins pick, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy and Jimmy Clausen might all be off the board. Is that a bad thing?

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