How the Pittsburgh Steelers Spent Their Bye Week

Other than the six-figure annual salary and the plush expense account, one of the best perks of writing for this website is the unfettered access we have to the athletes we cover so zealously.  Just this past weekend, I was able to spend significant time with many members of the Steelers organization and even some key figures in the Pittsburgh media.  This is what I saw…

Hines Ward , after getting his entire collection of earrings polished, headed out on the town with Deshea Townsend , his longtime training camp roommate.  After catching up on local gossip, they went over to Fahrenheit 212, the salon owned by former safety Mike Logan , for manicures.

I was supposed to meet up with Willie Parker , but he was pulled over on the turnpike for failing to drive at least the minimum speed.  I also heard it took him almost two hours to walk from the Penn Brewery to the Warhol Museum.  I guess that’s what happens when you’re no longer Fast.

Troy Polamalu spent most of his time off tending to his garden.  When asked how he felt about the second half of the season, he replied cryptically, “Why would we follow anything other than our destiny?”

I hung out with Santonio Holmes one night up until about 3 a.m., but I’m not at liberty to disclose what we were doing.  I can’t remember, anyway.

Several Steelers went to the final installment of Kennywood’s Phantom Fright Nights, where they joined in some Hallloween fun and games.   There was a competitive egg-toss contest, and in what was truly the Upset of the Century, the team of Ike Taylor and Limas Sweed took first place. 

I didn’t spend much time with James Harrison or Mike Tomlin , but I’ve been told by reputable sources that they spent much of the weekend walking around looking much cooler and more intimidating than anyone else they saw.

Jeff Reed , in an honest effort to try more wholesome nighttime activities, went trick-or-treating with old pal Matt Spaeth , who dressed as a giant Sheetz paper-towel dispenser.  The night ended on a sour note, however, as Reed got into a fight with a 12-year-old kid from Brookline who was dressed as a Pittsburgh city cop.  Spaeth, I’m sure, would have intervened but, when you gotta go, you gotta go…

Daniel Sepulveda was down at the Waterfront to see Gene Collier perform stand-up at the Improv comedy club.  The biggest laugh of the night, however, came when Sepulveda discovered that the Broncos had signed former Steelers punter Mitch Berger .

Greg Warren spent an entire night out at Saddle Ridge Saloon in Station Square, wearing his authentic, game-worn No. 60 jersey.  Despite his best efforts, not a single person recognized him.

In an effort to stir up publicity for troubled restaurant Max & Erma’s, which just declared bankruptcy, nosetackle Casey Hampton offered to purchase and eat every item on the menu in a single sitting.  And he did it.

Superstar quarterback Ben Roethlisberger took his entire offensive line to a secret wrestling match at an undisclosed location near Lawrenceville.  Wild rumors were flying about where, when, and why this event was taking place.

Among the speculation was that the match was a one-on-one battle between radio host Mark Madden and columnist-turned-blogger Bob Smizik , who wanted to finally settle their long-running fued (I also heard that Jim Colony was the referee).

Steelers offensive coordinator Bruce Arians was spotted having lunch at Primanti’s with Matt Cavanaugh , the displaced former offensive coordinator for the now-14th ranked Pitt Panthers.  Hopefully they were not discussing offensive strategies.

I wandered around the new casino on the North Shore for a bit, running into a heavy hitter:  Stanley Drunkenmiller .  He informed me that he has lost “somewhere between 20 and 40 grand” since the casino opened, and also that he “is exploring the possibility” of purchasing the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Strangley enough, not more than two minutes later, I spotted a disguised G. Ogden Nutting begging for change on the casino’s front steps.

Kevin Colbert dined at the penthouse suite of the Top of the Triangle restaurant with Ray Shero , G.M. of the Pittsburgh Penguins.  A small disturbance ensued when a slightly deranged Neal Huntington tried to break into the room, mumbling as he was being escorted out, “I deserve to be at that table!  We are going in the right direction!”

I ended up seeing Ben Roethlisberger once more on Sunday, as he was able to get onto Oakmont to play a round of golf.  Mayor Luke Ravenstahl , posing as a caddie, attempted to sneak into the course but was easily caught by security, who had obviously seen his act before.

Finally, in what was surely the best moment of the weekend, I stopped by a photo shoot on Mount Washington.  In those round overlooks where everyone has been at least fifty times, there was a picture for the ages:  Steelers owner Dan Rooney , holding the Stanley Cup, posed with Pens owner Mario Lemieux , who was holding the Lombardi Trophy.   Truly a scary sight for anyone rooting against the City of Champions.

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