The Position of Bernie Kosar Finally Revealed (Satire)

Samuel IngroAnalyst INovember 2, 2009

19 Sep 1993: Quarterback Bernie Kosar of the Cleveland Browns looks on during a game against the Los Angeles Raiders at Cleveland Stadium in Cleveland, Ohio. The Browns won the game, 19-16.
Markus Boesch/Getty Images

In the Cleveland Browns' game against Chicago, Derek Anderson went 6-for-17 for 76 yards. He also threw two interceptions and fumbled the ball before being pulled in the final three minutes for Brady Quinn. His passer rating for the season is an amazing 36.2.

It's being widely reported that due to the play of Derek Anderson, the Browns have finally revealed that they have decided to play Bernie Kosar at the quarterback position.

That's right, following the pitiful loss to the Bears on Sunday, it's become apparent that Bernie Kosar will follow in the footsteps of Vinny Testaverde with a mid-40's return to help a struggling franchise.

When asked for an interview after the game, Randy Lerner stated: "After doing my research on the Cleveland Browns franchise, I found out that it's actually a football team. You're allowed to use your hands and you don't kick the ball except on field goals and kickoffs. I was downright shocked.

"I also found one name kept coming up as a Browns favorite, Bernie Kosar. When I heard that he was a free agent, I snatched him up quickly before anybody else had a chance. I also heard that this Derek Anderson guy wasn't doing very well either, so the decision just makes sense."

If Kosar doesn't work out, Lerner has plans for the franchise to be moved to Europe and entered in the Premier League. If this happens he will start Shaun Rogers at goalkeeper and Phil Dawson at center-forward.