NEW CUB OWNER TOM RICKETTS FALLS UNDER LADDER AND SMASHES THROUGH MIRROR

Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Longtime fans may not be surprised, but another “Cubbie occurrence” has haunted the team before Tom Ricketts could even make it into the office. On his way to work, the new Cub owner apparently tripped over a crack that sent him careening under a ladder and through a stray mirror. The spill has left him shaken.

“In my first press conference I was going to tell fans to have patience and believe,” Tom Ricketts said from his family’s war room 300 feet below the surface of the Earth. “Now my message is to believe they will all one day be patients somewhere.”

“I’ll still come out and run the team,” Ricketts asserted. “Right after all the umbrellas, salt shakers, eight balls and items bearing the number 13 are removed from my home and the surrounding areas."

Two black cats were also reportedly injured in the accident.

It is requested that the public send four-leaf clovers in lieu of flowers.

By Dan Bradley

{Disclaimer: the previous article is fake and untrue... We're all hoping he turns things around}

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