Where Cheerleaders are Men: Picks and Predictions for Week Nine

Dan BurgesContributor IOctober 29, 2009

COLLEGE STATION, TX - NOVEMBER 23:  T.J. Sanders #18 of the Texas A&M Aggies celebrates a touchdown with Martellus Bennett #13 against the Texas Longhorns in the second quarter at Kyle Field on November 23, 2007 in College Station, Texas.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

No. 4 Iowa keeps the BCS training rolling as they host football powerhouse Indiana. As this year has shown in the Big Eleven, don’t look past any team (Purdue), because when you do, well, you all saw what happened. Hawkeyes by 21.

Nebraska at Baylor should be an easy pick, but after last week’s fiasco, who knows what the Huskers are going to bring to the table. I just can't see the Huskers losing to Baylor, but I would have said the same about them losing to Iowa State too. Decisions, decisions.

Whatever happened to Juice Williams? It seemed like he debuted as the second coming of John Heisman only to end his college career amid a 1–6 record (0–5 in conference), soon to be 1–7 after the ever improving (yet NCAA investigated) Michigan Wolverines come to town and make short work of the Illini, winning by 20+.

Nothing keeps the ole conference schedule rolling along like inserting a good match-up against New Mexico State in late October. I guess the Buckeyes wanted to get in one final practice round before facing Penn State, Iowa and Michigan all in a row.

Is Missouri really going to go 0–4 in conference play after this weekend? The Tigers, who were actually ranked at one point this year (proving that rankings are obviously infallible), need to scrape by 2–5 Colorado on Saturday, just to have the chance of batting over .500 this year in the Big XII. Sad. Should they win? Yes. Will they win? Maybe. At least the boys in Vegas favor them by a whopping four points.

Moving this conversation east, unranked Georgia takes on No. 1 Florida in Jacksonville amid the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party. The Bulldogs have underwhelmed the SEC with a 4–3 record, but could change the entire national picture if they managed to pull off an upset. Fortunately for the Gators, that just isn’t going to happen. That game will be closer than it should be (why change things now?), but a Bulldog win would be an upset of epic proportions by a team that can’t get out of the quagmire of mediocrity.

Staying in the same geographical region, the intellectual version of Georgia vs Tennessee (a.k.a. Georgia Tech vs Vanderbilt) will likely be little more than a speed bump on the Jackets path to the ACC title game. Vandy has likely never seen a wishbone that didn’t come from a bird, while Tech is a master of running it…all the way to the Orange Bowl. The Jackets win by 14. It’s not me, it’s science.

Another interesting game this weekend will be Texas Tech playing host to Kansas. Both teams have been a bit Jekyll and Hyde this year, looking great one moment, and like San Jose State the next. Injuries have plagued the Tech QB position, putting the Red Raiders in unfamiliar territory—not knowing who to put in the shotgun, while Kansas defense showed at least signs of life as the Sooner offensive machine began rolling last weekend.

If Tech can get a QB to play four quarters without leaving on a stretcher and be somewhat effective, the Red Raiders should have no issues getting things back on track, this is, if their defense actually shows up, and that my friends, is a question of “if,” not “when.” Tech by five.

Completely unrelated, with zero segue what so ever, I had to toss in this gem from Mike Leach. That man, all by himself, is more than enough reason to be a Tech fan…wreck em!

Texas A&M proved last week they were tired of being the butt of .260 Hitters' website by giving Texas Tech a thumping the Red Raiders won’t soon forget. That being said, however, Husker killer Iowa State comes to College Station this weekend in what is normally a sure thing for, well, anyone, and let’s be honest, the Aggies haven’t exactly been the most consistent of teams this year. So what is normally a give-me might, may very well come down to a fight for something other than self-respect (let's be honest, they lost that years ago), one you know the Aggie Yell Leaders will need to prepare for…

Iowa State wins…why? Did you not watch the video?

Oklahoma plays Kansas State in Norman…yawn.

TCU hosts UNLV…zzzzzzz.

What this weekend needs is a potential upset of an unranked team (or two), on the road under tremendously hostile conditions. Coming right up!

No. 3 Texas travels to Stillwater, home of Boone Pickens, the Oklahoma State Cowboys, camouflage wedding dresses, discount dentistry, and Mike “I’m a man” Gundy. In the town occupied by mothers of children, the Texas Longhorns are in for what could be a fight for their lives.

At night, on Halloween, on national television, with a packed house of drunken Orange and Black where you won’t be able to distinguish those in costume from the regular fans, home field advantage is going to take on new meaning. Luckily Oklahoma State isn’t the kind of team to seal the deal, and without Dez Bryant their odds decrease even more, but in games like these, ESPN instant classics are often born. Texas wins by a touchdown.

No. 5 USC travels to the Autzen Zoo in Eugene to face No. 10 Oregon. The men in feathers have made short work of Utah, Cal, UCLA, and Washington after their season opening flop in Boise, with a high powered offense that’s made people miss a rather capable defense. While USC will certainly make an appearance and put on a good show, their offense will simply be too ineffective in such a hostile environment, while the Ducks are sure to bust out some even more hideous uniforms for this season changing performance. Oregon wins by three.

P.S. Phillies 6, Yankees 1