How College Football's Players and Coaches Are Spending Their Halloween

(Photo by Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images)

(Aaron Torres is a journalist who's work has been published by Sports Illustrated.com, USA Today and AOL.com. To read all of his work, including this article in its entirety , please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

No one ever said it was easy being a college football player or coach these days.

Between the media sessions, film sessions and all those pesky little rules, someone is always on about something. Just ask Rich Rodriguez or Dez Bryant.

But just because these guys are public figures doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be having fun. And with Halloween on a college football Saturday this year, what better way to celebrate a big win than by dressing up as something crazy (like in the case of Charlie Weis, “A Good Coach”) and enjoying yourself.

As a matter of fact, if college football’s biggest stars did dress up for Halloween, here are some of my guesses as to what they’d be. Since we already mentioned Weis, let’s start with him.

Charlie Weis as: A Homeless Guy

Look, I’ve tried to defend Weis. I really have. I tried to defend him when his team couldn’t tackle. I tried to defend him when his team couldn’t block. I even tried to defend him when Notre Dame lost to Navy in 2007, which was basically the first time the Midshipmen had beaten Notre Dame since the Jefferson administration.

But I can’t defend him anymore. Not when Notre Dame needed to hold on for dear life last weekend against the worst Boston College team in a decade. A team playing for their third coach in four years. And a team whose 25-year-old starting quarterback played minor league baseball for the last SEVEN YEARS!!!

The truth is, Weis is a lot closer to the unemployment line than a National Championship. So he might as well grab a trench coat that smells like pee and start collecting aluminum cans on the side of the highway. The pink slip is coming. If not this winter, than the next.

Of course if none of that sounds good, Weis could always dress up like  this guy like he did last year. Oh wait that wasn’t him? Never mind.

Sam Bradford as: Richie Rich

I can’t blame Sam Bradford for loving college. We all did at one point. As a matter of fact, I have friends in their late-20’s that still wish they were there today.

But Bradford made the right decision to give up on the 2009 season, get surgery on his bum shoulder and get ready for the NFL Draft. Sure, it’s not the way he wanted his college career to end. But for a guy whose only dream has ever been to play quarterback at OU, two Big XII championships and a Heisman trophy doesn’t seem all that bad.

So congratulations Sam, you did the right thing. Go get surgery. Get ready for the combine. While you’re at it, pick up a few Armani suits and start dating a model. You’re a pro now!

Also, I’ve got some more good news: Supposedly, Buffalo is absolutely lovely this time of year. And I’ve been hearing really great things about that Terrell Owens guy!

Enjoy!

Joe Paterno as: Anything

I don’t care if Paterno forgets to wear a costume, or forgets to wear his hearing aids. For comedy’s sake, I want him at my Halloween party.

Imagine how miserable he’d be? I’m thrilled just thinking about it! How else would you want to spend your holiday than by hearing Joe Pa in the corner of the party, saying stuff like:

It’s cold in here…

Do these brownies have nuts??

Why is that girl’s skirt so short??

Wha…Who…Internet????? Look, I don’t know anything about the internet, or spacebook, or tweetering!!! Why is it so cold in here!! Where’s my coat!!!! I’m going home!!!!

Pete Carroll as: Himself

Because honestly, what could Pete Carroll possibly dress up as that would make him cooler than he already is?

Nick Saban as: The Grinch Who Stole Halloween. And Christmas. And Labor Day. And Three Kings Day. And Bastille Day. And…

Well you get the point. Besides Nick Saban doesn’t have time for stupid Halloween parties! The only thing he’s giving his trick-or-treaters this year are tips to blitz the safety from the weak side. Now shut up and leave the coach alone, he's trying to watch film.

(To read the remainder of this article , visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com or let your thoughts be heard by e-mail at ATorres00@gmail.com )

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