"Clinical" is the word that comes to my mind. With such a clinical performance from Rafa Nadal to straight-set Novak Djokovic in the semis on Friday, I wanted to take a lighter perspective on the current scenario.
What can Rodge (Federer) do in the next day or day and a half to pull off, what seems to be an almost impossible victory?
These suggestions are from the left field…but quite possible, if the lil' kid in Rodge took over for a day, may be this is what he would suggest.
- He can invite Rafa to dinner on Saturday eve (they have had dinner together before …) and get him really drunk on Spanish cava (sparkling Vino). He can even offer to pick up the tab.
- Rodge can rock up to the court in the famed ‘Dominik Hrbaty’ fashion faux pas pink outfit. It’s quite ventilated at the back, I was told.
- He can try inviting Rafa to an arm wrestle contest just before the final, pushing him onto the locker room wall (hoping he would twist a muscle or two).
- He can hide all Rafa’s rackets minutes before the game
- Try and convince the chair umpire to set a grunt decibel level inside Philippe Chatrier on Sunday.
- Try and bait Rafa, telling him, "If you the real man, try and beat me playing with your right hand." (hey, I play with my right hand, I thought THE French were all about "Egalite")
- Feign being really annoyed, every time Rafa takes a nano-second more than 20 seconds between points, maybe even yell and scream stuff at him. (hey, I don’t wanna do to overtime in here today, I got stuff to do, you English-slurring DIMWIT)
- Hide all Rafa’s pirate pants (clam diggers) before the game. Hey, he isn’t Marat Safin, he needs some pants to get on court.
- Start singing Madonna’s "Material Girl" really loudly during the middle of a point.
- Kick all Rafa’s meticulously arranged water bottles (they are actually arranged in a straight line every match) when moving to the other side of the court...By mistake, of course.
- Try and even wear those pirate pants (even better, pink pirate pants), to the final.
- Can bring a little kitten to the court, and tie it on the chair space next to him. Every time when Rafa is about to serve, can look at the kitten and ask "Are you OK, kitty kat, say hi to uncle Rafa?" (can even name her Princess Bonnie)
- As a gentlemen’s agreement, set a cap on the number of cross court forehands that Rafa can hit to his backhand on the Sunday: let’s say, he can set the limit to 1,000 maybe…and offer to buy him a bagel in return (hey, bagels are quite tasty)
- Finally try and strike a deal with Rafa, "I’ll let you have this one, only if you promise you won’t rock up to play Roland Garros next year."
- Trade one here, for the Wimby final three odd weeks from now. (I actually think Rafa might be tempted)
- Get mad at uncle Toni (Rafa's coach and uncle) for no reason and ask him to 'GO STUFF IT!'
- Order thin crust, medium pepperoni pizza during changeovers, ask them to deliver it to Roland Garros center court—to Rafa Nadal.
- Take injury time out every set to make long distance calls to his long lost siblings (speak really loudly), to throw Rafa off his rhythm.
- Call 'Lavalife' (they offer valuable services to young men and women on the phone) and ask them to send one of their best to Roland Garros center court, tell them its for his mate Rafa, as a late b-day gift (hey, that's true), and that he could use some massages.
Any more suggestions from you all are welcome, let me know and I’ll FED-EX them to Rodge tomm morning. I’ll be back with the regular men’s final preview post tomorrow.
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3 months ago
I really enjoyed this one too, Long John. Very funny! Rafa is a beast right now. He plays such a physical game, though. It makes me wonder how his health will hold up.
from 2 months ago
just read the comment Max
this was off the left field - it needs a particular sense f humor to appreciate it
you are one of the few rare ones who did
cheers
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