The Seven Worst Pictures of Mark McGwire on the Internet

Mark McGwire, Big Mac himself, has returned to baseball in the form of hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals.

This appears to be somewhat newsworthy.

Most articles being worked up about the return of baseball's savior nee unscrupulous scum bucket are of the entertainment variety. And inevitably these authors are going to need embarrassing/awful photos to accompany the words.

Problem solved: I present the seven worst pics of Mark McGwire out there on these here internets.

Use wisely.

The Posedown

Mark is seen here with his brother Jay (not on the juice, either, apparently...)

While you're busy looking left at that bronzed beefcake, I'm more curious to why Big Mac is attempting to out flex his brother in a driveway. In his underwear.

Other topics to discuss: Do you think Mark is pissed he's a redhead and will never, ever even dream about a tan that lugubrious? Can that banana hammock be happy about anything? Is the beach chair on something too?

The Oath

"I'm not here to talk about the past." Mark McGwire before Congress in 2005

I bet his lawyers thought that was really clever the day before this debacle happened. Four years later and it's still a punch line.

The mere sight of that suit and those horn rimmed specs (not shown) send shudders up most of Cardinal Nation.

At least "I'm not here to talk about the past" is better than the Sosa (No habla English) or the Rafael (I did NOT take performance enhancing drugs!)

Embarrassing nonetheless.

The Poolboy

On second thought...nothing embarrassing about this picture.

Young boys remember: performance enhancing drugs will not get you anywhere in life.

Move along, now. Nothing to see here.

The High Jeans

This pic is rich.

The Milk people (about as wholesome as they come) decide that they would be the media entity to start poking fun at the bulk of Big Mac.

Implied or not, they are pretty much screaming that McGwire is on something and they know it. They'll call it milk and be cute with innuendo.

Plus he's got really high jeans on. High, tight jeans. Ahhhhh, the 90s!

The Roman God

Sportsmen of the Year?

Oh Sports Illustrated, you lovable lugs. I bet you wish you had this cover back, don't you?

I never lived in ancient Greece, but I'm pretty sure if they saw these two beasts entering the Coliseum they'd have messed themselves. I mean good god that's a lot of bicep for two men.

SI Fail.

The Hand Holding

I'm not the first person to point out the homosexual undertones of the 1998 home run chase, and I won't be the last person to point out the homosexual undertones of the 1998 home run chase.

But I think they're holding hands.

Just Google Sosa and McGwire. You'll see all sorts of uncomfortable touching you don't want to see. Unless you're Jesse McCartney.

Yes. That was a shot at Jesse McCartney out of nowhere.

The Pillow

Big Mac once hosted SNL and all he wore was a pillow.

For being a baseball player, Big Mac is in an uncomfortably large number of pictures with very little, or in this case, no clothing on.

I imagine this skit was not very funny. And truth be told it probably made you look extremely unattractive to your girlfriend or wife.

But if we would have dropped that pillow we'd have had irrefutable proof that the juice makes for little, little macs.

Or not.

Either way, you've got more than enough compromising pics of Mark McGwire to use on your blogs and posts. Carry on.