It is the rivalry to end all rivalries. It wasn’t just a rivalry, it was the rivalry. (Or so they say.) It goes beyond the physical world. The disdain runs deeper than the river Nile. October 25th, 2009 was the day that everything came to a head.
All that was needed was for one man to lose, for John “The True Teflon Don” Cena to friggin’ lay down. A loss to his opponent Randy “I Have Great Facial Expressions but My Best Attribute is Being John Cena’s Bitch” Orton was all I asked for. A loss that would “banish” Vince McMahon’s cash cow from the flagship show, RAW . I chose to roll the dice and go against Cena.
Surely, Super-Cena wouldn’t lose with all that on the line, right?
His supposed “last” match on Monday against Triple H resulted in the Chain Gang Commander losing, so he has to win at Bragging Rights, right?
Well, call me stupid for believing that the WWE would actually have the balls to pull the trigger and not do the obvious—having Cena prevail.
No, seriously, call me STUPID. Because that is exactly what I did.
Now, I am here. Cena’s victory is my loss. It is the loss for all those who thought that McMahon would actually allow something so “crazy” to happen.
Cena’s victory is also the victory for one Joe Burgett.
Joe who? You have to know Joe Burgett. He’s the “B/R Superstar.” A guy who’s gotten more coverage than Balloon Boy. A guy many think might have more air in his head than said balloon. (Do I? Hmm.)
Regardless, Joe won and I lost.
We had a friendly wager: If our choice of the winner of that Iron Man match won, the other writer would have to praise the winning the writer.
It’s quite obvious that I shouldn’t have thought the WWE would allow Orton to banish Cena. So, here I am, about to praise Joe Burgett.
Now, I had a loophole ready to be taken when I made this agreement. Oh boy did I have a loophole, but I won’t go that route. I’m an honorable man and I will do as was agreed upon.
Burgett and I got to Bleacher Report on the very same day. Our time here together is akin to Goku and Vegeta in the Dragonball Z animé. He is seemingly the crown prince of the Wrestling Community and rose through the ranks quickly. Within a months time (28 days to be exact), Burgett was the top writer in the section. Nearly 700 articles in and he’s back on top.
If you want to see an archive full of 1,000-plus reads, go see Burgett. If you want to see what’s going on in the world of pro wrestling, ask Joe. Granted, I might already know all the information before Burgett posts them in an article, but he is there for those who don’t know where to search. You ask Joe because Joe knows wrestling.
What Joe also knows is that he is not the greatest of writers. (That honor lies with me. Joking.) Burgett isn’t shy enough to let you know that this section has writers who are better than him, and that is a good thing. He has quite an ego, but at least he understands some of his shortcomings.
The guy is passionate about the pro wrestling world. Sometimes that passion comes out a bit too much, as he might not be keen on seeing reason, but passion is always a good thing.
For the most part, he goes out of his way to drop a “Welcome to B/R” note on someone’s bulletin board when they are new to the community. He will pony up advice to those writers who ask him.
Joe does things outside of the wrestling section as well. He is an avid college football fan and will often write about it. He actually writes about several sports. He attempts to do something in every fashion, including humor. Although, for the many readers out there, please Joe, stop trying to do humor articles. Your chances at doing an intentionally funny piece is as good as Stephanie McMahon revealing that her two children are mine.
So, Cena won, thus assassinating my chances of getting honored by Joe. Wait, did I say assassinate? Nope, I won’t go there.
On a side topic, is anyone else hungry? I feel like a burger. Remember the Burger King Kids Club? Oh man, those guys were awesome. Especially Vid Kid. (Guess you’d have to had been there to understand that one.)
Would Joe and I ever be friends in real life? I can’t say. I don’t think I would hate the guy. In fact, after probably punching him one good time, just for the heck of it (laugh people), I think we could be amicable towards each other.
Listen, say what you want about Joe Burgett, and believe me I don’t do, but he has fans. For every person out there who finds fault with the guy, you will have two more liking him. It was nearly a year ago I dubbed him incomparable and B/R’s very own John Cena.
Did I mention how I loathe Cena?
60 Comments
Loading more comments...
This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete