USC Football: It Sucks

There are many reasons why the University of Second Choice (formerly known as the University of Spoiled Children) is hated by the general population of normal humans.  When I think about it, there's not one thing to like about USC: their school, their fans, or their football team. 

They are filthy cheaters, liars, scoundrels, brats, and jerks.  No wonder they have the "strongest alumni connections" in the world: no one else can stand them.

Now you might say I don't actually hate USC, that I must have some respect for their players and their program...but I don't.  I respect them as much as a pimp respects his prostitutes.

I respect that they bring in some of the finest athletes (with the worst characters) in the country (by cheating).  Good ol' Pete Carroll's such a good guy—so nice to his players (yelling at Desmond Reed after he scored in the Rose Bowl), such a great ballcoach, such a great character builder (a million crimes in eight years). 

But wait, do you see him playing with those kids after practice?  Aww, he's such a good community builder. 

But all that's when the cameras are on.  But what happens to Pete when there not?  It's Hollywood—his actions are something he could not even repeat in a confession booth.  Do I even need to list examples to make my point?  No, because it's a given fact Carroll is heartless law-bending coward.  But I will anyways.

Good ol' Pete brought in big ol' Winston "I don't Want Any" Justice "Or I'd Be In Jail," the great offensive lineman from the slums of L.A...I think he was only put on three-year probation twice: for soliciting a prostitute and one for felony assault with a deadly weapon.  I guess he couldn't handle the change from being a bum in Long Beach into being a "gangstar" in Hollywood.  How did he get punished by Pete?  He didn't.

Hershel "6 Years" Dennis is another shining example of the role models Pete recruits.  I don't think Pete recruits you if you don't have a felony on your record before you come onto campus.  After being accused of sexual assault, Pete took little Hershel out of practice for breaking curfew. Aww, Petie you protect your little puppies.

In 2005, starting cornerback Eric "I'll Sex You" Wright raped a girl and was found with over 100 pills of ecstasy in his dorm room.  What did Pete do?  Suspended him from spring practice.  How convenient that he was the STARTING corner back...Wow, that's harsh Pete, for raping a girl and possession of illegal drugs?

In the next year under Carroll's watch, Frostee Rucker was charged with battery and vandalism.  Luckily Pete found a way so Rucker didn't have to miss a game. What a good mentor!  Maybe that why all the recruits flock to USC, so they can commit murder and get away with it (just like O.J., class of '72!).

And that last parenthesis is not to mention another O.J., class of cheating '11.

There's no point in going on about all the crime, steroids (Ting, Cushing), rape (mentioned above, Sanchez) and cheating (Bush) that has occurred on that campus for the past eight seasons under Carroll, the list would be too long.  Pete "Helen Keller" Carroll turns a blind eye to his players quicker than that hoe turned her trick on Winston Justice.

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