Quit screwing around Barack, I want my playoff...

Alright, that does it.

President Obama is a failure, and someone needs to call him out. Fortunately, I am here for the job.

When he was running for office and after getting elected, he promised me PERSONALLY (through the television) a college football playoff. Ever since then he has been screwing off and drinking an excessive amount of beer publicly. I am not impressed.

In fact, I am now extremely angry that we have a slacker in the office. Say what you want about Bush, but at least he got things done. He would have gotten me a playoff if he promised it.

Granted, he would have ended up bombing the BCS headquarters and figured out a way to make a playoff a terrible, terrible mistake, but that isn't the point.

Obama is wasting time, and I intend to prove it by showing the stupid things he has been doing instead of getting me a playoff.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking on this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/

Winning the Nobel Prize

Well maybe it entertained Oprah, but to me it was pretty damn silly.

Hey Obama, where is my college football playoff you liar? You won the Nobel Prize even though nominations were closed 12 days after you took office. You've been busy jerking me around and winning awards but not doing anything.

I want my playoff and I want it now. I'm tired of your empty promises. Don't think your awards impress me, I've won countless awards, including the coveted Dingleberry-Snowheimer Poetry Cup.

What I haven't won is a college football playoff that I was promised. Get on it, this other crap is boring.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. What I have written above makes an excellent form letter for you to copy and paste.

Beating white people in basketball

Obama definitely has ups.

Unfortunately, I don't have my playoff. How can Barack possibly be spending time screwing around on a basketball court when college football is in such a terrible state of disarray?

This is no time for a vacation, it is time for a college football playoff. Obama needs to fulfill his promises rather than building a basketball court to beat his staff in his favorite game.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. What I have written above makes an excellent form letter for you to copy and paste.

Olympic Fail

Thanks for wasting time trying to get the Olympics in Chicago. You know what is more important to Americans than the Olympics?

College football. And we still don't have our playoff.

Instead of chasing some sort of pipe dream on duty, why don't you issue an executive order disbanding the BCS? That would be awesome.

K Thanks.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. What I have written above makes an excellent form letter for you to copy and paste.

Having a Beer Summit

Now is not an acceptable time to drink non-alcoholic beer with Joe Biden.

The appropriate time for that is during the first round of a college football playoff. Unfortunately, because you and Joe have been getting liquored up on O'Douls instead of getting me a college football playoff, I have to wait.

You think this is funny? I'll show you funny in 2012.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. What I have written above makes an excellent form letter for you to copy and paste.

Calling Kanye a Jackass

Ok this might be a little unfair because I want to thank you for calling Kanye a Jackass. He is in fact a major jackass, and I appreciate you nailing him on the record.

Even though you thought it was off the record.

What I don't appreciate is you wasting my time in interviews instead of making the couple of phone calls it would require for me to have a college football playoff.

Sometimes people need priorities, and the VMAs should not be one of yours.

Even though Taylor Swift is hot.

I want my college football playoff, and I want you to take a couple of minutes to get it for me.

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. What I have written above makes an excellent form letter for you to copy and paste.

What are you waiting for?

*Note-You can send the White House a message requesting a playoff by clicking this link: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/. If you didn't figure it out, this whole article was propoganda seeking a college football playoff. Try to take a couple of seconds to submit a comment to the White House now.