2009 MLB Playoffs: Unbearable Broadcasters

(Photo by Paul Hawthorne/Getty Images)

When the division series played out, pairing the Angles vs. the Yankees and the Phillies vs. the Dodgers, I thought to myself, "All right. This should be some good baseball to watch."

Then the series started, and I have a completely different opinion. I now yell out loud, "God, I can't listen to these f***in' sh*thead idiots!!"

Let's start with TBS. Chip Caray. Come on.  This guy is an entire fruit display at your local grocery store. He sits there next to Ron Darling and Buck Martinez and calls the game in his annoying, eardrum-murdering voice.  He has been completely awful since the day he began calling Cubs games, but, since his father was a famous broadcaster (not to mention a drunk, a racist, a mushmouth...shall I go on?), networks still believe he is the right man for the job. For the freakin' PLAYOFFS for chrissakes. Come on, TBS, get it together, will ya? 

Speaking of TBS, how 'bout this little trio of clowns Ernie Johnson has to sit with before and after games?  Ripken is halfway decent, but Dennis Eckersley and David Wells are so bad that they make f***in' Magic Johnson look like a genius.  Listen to these guys—Wells will get a little roll going, and you'll hear him mention three different things that go in three completely different directions.  Eckersley tries to deliver a point and then he finishes strong in anticipation of a big reaction...and then...nobody says a word and Ernie wraps it up and it's time to cut for the commercial.

(Gotta give Ernie Johnson credit for putting up with the talking heads on both the NBA and MLB sets.  Horrible.)

Now let's shift gears and discuss this awful, atrocious, mute-button-breaking duo broadcasting the ALCS over on Fox.  Can we just get over Joe Buck already? Can we? Please? Every single f***in' thing about this guy makes me want to burn off my eyeballs and ears with hydrochloric acid.  His voice and tone are literally a detriment to society. His face and HAIR and smile...what can I even say?  Nothing needs to be said. Just look at that ghoul.  Once again, another complete yay keeps a job because his father was a famous broadcaster. 

(Thank you, Artie Lange, for thrashing this guy on HBO. We all wish we could do that, but you did it. Bravo.)

This just in, Fox, there are plennnnty of other broadcasters out there. My recommendation is and always will be Dan Shulman of ESPN. Great voice, great tone, good reactions and he actually knows things about sports. 

And of course, we can't leave out that clever S.O.B. Tim McCarver. If anybody ever deserved to be dubbed "Captain Obvious," it's McCarver. Either that or "Captain Doesn't-Know-Sh*t." Either way. 

I can sit and watch about two innings of a Fox ALCS broadcast and point out at least ten REALLY dumb things these two yankers say.  It makes me not want to watch the games.  It makes lots and lots of people not want to watch. 

What were the ratings for the LCS games vs. Monday Night Football last night? I rest my awesome case.

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