Ric Flair, Batista, and Kurt Angle Play The Dating Game (Humor)

Here's the host of The New, New Dating Game , Michael Cole.

Michael Cole : "Thank you VINTAGE unnamed announcer person. Thank you for being with us today on The New, New Dating Game . Before we go and meet our lucky lady, let's meet the three men she'll be able to choose from.

"He's the PWI's 2005 Wrestler of the Year, the man who walks alone, and he's got some of the best medical coverage in the free world. Ladies and gentlemen, bachelor number one, Dave Batista .

"Bachelor number two is a man asking us to make copy of this episode so he can auction the tape off to pay his alimony payments. He is a 16-time world champion, he's a limousine riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling dealing son of a gun. Please welcome, WWE Hall of Famer Ric Flair .

"And finally, mystery man number three is an Olympic gold medalist, considered the greatest technical wrestler today, and is only here due to ending a relationship with this crazy chick named Rhaka Khan. Ladies and gents, Kurt Angle .

"Of course, there has to be someone to choose a lucky man. She's been selected Most Likely to Go to Jail for Prostitution in her high school yearbook, she's a two-time college drop out, and currently works as a cocktail waitress at the Touchy Feely Gentlemen's Club, please join in welcoming to The New, New Dating Game, Anita Mann."

Anita: "Hello, Michael....Um, hello, Michael."

Cole: "Oh, sorry. I had someone screaming instructions in my earpiece. Glad to have you here. We've got three men anxious to meet you, so let's get down to business, shall we? You've got three questions to ask these men and after all questions have been answered, you will choose a bachelor to go out with. Ready?"

Anita: (actually salivating) "Yes, I've been waiting for this for a while."

Cole: "When's the last time you've been on a date?"

Anita: "Well, I just got out from doing a little time, so it's been a while since I've been with a man." (Cole laughs at this point.)

Cole: (finally stops laughing) "That was VINTAGE just-getting-out-of-jail-pent-up sexuality, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, Anita, whenever you're ready."

Anita: "We'll start with Bachelor number one. What would be one way that you would take care of me if I was sick?"

Batista: "Well, I would say that I would pick you up and carry you around but I fear that I might injure myself doing that. Not saying that you're fat or anything. Just that, I seem to be a tad prone to injuries.

"Heck, I'm in a walking boot right now after going to get the morning paper. Anyway, if you were sick, I would, umm, call on all of the Divas that I've been with to give me ideas on how to nurture you back to health."

Anita: "Bachelor two and three, same question."

Flair: "Well, WOO, I would have to, WOO, find some alternate methods because I can't take any medical bills on top of what I've got to pay right now. Well, I've got a whole bunch of Campbell soups in the cupboard at the apartment that I can open and heat up. Soup is always good when someone is under the weather. WOO"

Angle: "Those two guys have no idea how to treat a lady. Listen, if you're sick, you're going to get my undivided attention. I don't care if we haven't known each other for too long, I'm moving you into my home, since I can go back to it now, so I can take care of you."

Anita: "Alternate methods? Kicked out of own house? Numbers two and three aren't looking so good so far. Okay, we'll go backwards this time. Bachelor No. 3, what would you say is your greatest accomplishment in life?"

Angle: "Well, many might not know this, but I won the Olympic gold medals with a broken frickin' neck. I'd say that's pretty great. It's true. It's true."

Anita: "Oh my, that's amazing. Although, I saw Greta McGregor beat down four armed guards with a spork stuck in her neck...Okay, mystery man number two, I'm here because I'm looking to find love. Are you willing to get married sometime in the future?"

Flair: "Whoa! Marriage? I think the folks at City Hall are tired of seeing my face. I'm not too sure about that. Couldn't we just have fun rolling around town in my limos?"

Anita: "Ooo, I like limos. The last time I was in a long vehicle, there was a gate separating me from the driver...Bachelor number one, where would we go for our first date."

Batista: "Well, it depends on the time of day. You know, actually it doesn't. We'd head out to the gym. That's where we'd go. Doesn't matter the time of day."

Anita: "You like to get sweaty......Me too. And coming from where I was just at, I know a little thing or two about weights."

Cole: "Okay, one final question to each contestant before you have to make your choice. Go ahead."

Anita: "Well, Bachelor number two, what is something you can't control yourself from doing?"

Flair: "I would say that I can't control myself from bleeding profusely, but I do have the uncontrollable urge to beat up articles of clothing. Not sure why, but my suit jacket never stands a chance. My dry cleaner bill is astronomical."

Anita: "Bleeding profusely? Haemophiliac? That's not cool. Okay, bachelor number one, same question."

Batista: "Umm, I don't believe them, but I do hear a lot of people saying that I suck at what I do professionally. I guess if you hear it even you start to believe it."

Anita: "Hmm, as long as you don't suck at other things, sir." (Cole laughs .)

Cole: "I'm sure glad that this isn't PG. That was a VINTAGE sexual innuendo."

Anita: "And finally, bachelor number three, tell me the last time you got some action."

Angle: "I didn't want to share this but a week ago, after work one night, we all went out drinking. The next morning I woke up in bed next to one of my co-workers. Let's just say that she is much bigger than me and she made me her bitch that night. The funny part about it though is that I thought it, and her, was AWESOME."

Anita: "So, you have no problem being someone's bitch? There's hope for you yet."

Cole: "Okay, Anita Mann, you're all out of questions. It's time to make a decision. Who's it going to be: Bachelor number one, two, or three?"

Anita: "Well, Michael, there were some good answers but I'm going to have to go with the first one."

Cole: "Bachelor number one. Okay. Well, before meeting your mystery man, let's bring out the other two gentlemen who weren't so lucky."

"First, Bachelor number two, WWE Hall of Famer, Ric Flair...And that's VINTAGE Flair strutting out from behind the partition, folks. And Bachelor number three is none other than Kurt Angle."

(Angle comes out and his old music hits prompting the crowd to respond accordingly .)

Cole: "Haha, VINTAGE pissed off Angle. Okay, Anita, here's your selection, 'The Animal' Batista!!!"

Anita: "Ooo, animal you say? I hope that's is the case." (wipes away a small dribble of drool)

Batista hobbles around the partition, doesn't see the final step and falls onto the stage. A resounding crack is heard as Batista grabs his right shoulder in pain.

Cole: Thanks for joining us on The New, New Dating Game folks. Have a great night.

**The views here were clearly for humorous purposes. They do represent the feelings of one Shane Howard, but that's because he has a sense of humor.**

Shane Howard is a member of Hit the Ropes  Radio Show. You can check out the web site here . HTR Radio airs every Wednesday at 6 PM ET. This week we welcome a THQ game designer for WWE's Smackdown v. RAW 2010. Also ROH's Grizzly Redwood comes on.

Be sure to join the Facebook group as well (click here ). Also check out FOW and WR for your wrestling news, as well as my work there.

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