HvH Round 2: Matches We'll Never See Thanks to the WWE PG Era [HUMOR]

I was inspired by the old "King of the Mountain" games I used to play on the monkey bars on the playgrounds of my youth. One person hangs on the bars as long as they can, while the others try to pull them down.

It was a perfect idea for a women's match, in my mind, especially for a No. 1 Contender's Match.

Unfortunately, the creative team didn't like the idea that the Pink Slip was more than just a metaphor.

This match, admittedly, had me a little ooked out. But, I like being fair, so I wanted to have a little something for the ladies.

The Creative team wasn't too harsh on naysaying this one. The only problem was they feared the gimmick would get too stale since there were only two wrestlers on the roster that agreed to it: Santino Marella and Chavo Guerrero.

I believe Chavo said something along the lines of, "So my choice is do that or another Hornswoggle match? Do I get to win?"

Far and wide I searched, before my trip to Connecticut. My journeys brought me to Japan, where I bore witness to a match like no other.

It was a Submission Match with hardcore rules, but I couldn't tell how one went about winning it.

So, I did the logical thing, and brought these two competitors back with me to explain it.

They didn't make it past the receptionist, and it wasn't until I told her who I was that security put their tasers away.

Stephanie McMahon's response to my pitching the idea was, "Really, that's okay. We'll just stick with TLC."

I can honestly say, without a doubt, I have no idea why Creative nixed this idea.

Imagine it. A brutal, torturous cage match for the Divas, consisting of 5 tons of Jello (or whatever made up weight statistic Michael Cole yanks from the depths of his colon) surrounding the ring. That's a whole lot of Jello.

I was jazzed about it, but then the eyes started rolling and all the comments about "degrading to something," and "demeaning blah blah."

Whatever.

This is gold, I don't care what anybody says.

No Iron Man Match, no I Quit Match, no Submission Match, no Hell In A Cell Match can ever capture the essence of what it means to test one's mettle like this one.

Of course, Creative didn't like it. They said there would be no more second-generational stars in WWE, whatever that means...

Another great idea steamrolled by those dolts in WWE Creative, like so many of Paul Wight's opponents.

This idea was inspired by Chris Masters' Masterlock Challenge, combined with Big Show's own trademark finisher.

The only difference being that this contest would not only be open to all the wrestlers in the locker room and Michelle McCool, but also WWE Creative and fans that think The Undertaker and Edge are overrated.

I have no idea why they didn't go for it...

Even though the Creative Team really wasn't buying any of the gimmicks I was pitching, I felt I was on a roll.

I had a great idea for a Diva's match, having been inspired by the CM Punk vs Umaga match at Extreme Rules.

By the time I explained what the winner had to do at the first two turnbuckles, I noticed security guards began to file into the meeting room...

This match idea involves the members of DX as Special Enforcers. Besides, everyone thinks poop is funny, right?

As it turns out, it's actually ALMOST everyone.

That's when security tossed me out on my ear.

I hope you enjoyed my little trip down Memory Lane.

On another note, if you're a Pro Wrestling Promoter looking for a new head of your Creative Team, feel free to consider the preceding list my resume.

You know how to reach me.

In the meantime, I'll be at home nursing my wounds WWE Security gave me, and finding something to do with all this extra Jello.