Penguins-Flyers: Cool Heads Prevail in the City of Brotherly Jokes

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Penguins-Flyers: Cool Heads Prevail in the City of Brotherly Jokes

By now you know that when the NHL releases its regular season schedule, people all over the state of Pennsylvania immediately circle the Penguins-Flyers matchups in red ink.

Tonight was the first meeting of the 2010 season between the interstate rivals, and it was everything we expected it to be.

Flyer fans chanted "Crosby sucks;" Jeff Carter only scored goals when Jordan Staal was sitting in the penalty box or on the Penguins' bench; the Penguins' goaltender made key saves at key times in the game; the Flyers' goaltender let in at least two goals he shouldn't have; both teams played with a physical edge; and Scott Hartnell still hasn't gotten a haircut.

Sound familiar? Well, it should.

The "Crosby sucks" chants rained down from the rafters of the Wachovia Center well before the opening puck drop took place.

The Flyers have two things in common with the Washington Capitals: their PA guy is a joke and they are still looking for a big time goaltender.

Oh, and the Pens ended both of their seasons last year. Wooooo.

Debby Briere took a hooking penalty two minutes into regulation and the Pens power play hit the ice.

Before I had a chance to make fun of Briere, he scored two goals, so I'll catch him next time.

The Pens set up shop on the power play and the familiar Gonchar to Malkin combination cashed in in just 34 seconds. 1-0 Pens.

Shortly after the goal, Craig Adams asked Ian Laperriere if he wanted to see his Stanley Cup ring. A fight ensued and both men headed to the sin bin.

In a deja vue moment circa the 2009 Eastern Conference semi-finals, Marc-Andre Fleury robbed Jeff Carter of a goal on the door step.

Briere scored to tie the game, but before the PA guy even knew what happened, Geno picked some joke's pocket at the Flyers blue line.

Malkin circled with the puck at center ice, slipped a pass through two backcheckers to Jordan Staal at the blue line, and sprung Staal on a one-on-one with a Flyers' defenseman.

Staal protected the puck with this body, then went backhand to forehand and beat Ray Emery top shelf to regain the lead for the Pens.

Matt Carle interfered with Malkin at the Flyers' blue line and a scrum ensued. Like 15 penalties were handed out. 2-1 Pens at the break.

Briere evened the score with another quick goal to start the second period, but the Pens bounced right back.

The Flyers fourth line had no idea what to do when they gained possession of the puck.

They failed to get it deep and turned it over at the red line, trapping both of their defenders in the neutral zone.

Chris Kunitz fed the outlet pass to Billy Guerin, who waltzed in alone on Emery.

The effort Emery made at saving Guerin's shot was pathetic to say the least.

Billy goes five hole, making it 3-2 Pens.

A couple of minutes later, the wheels on the Philthy bus started coming off.

Braydon Coburn went into the corner in his own zone, under pressure from Ruslan Fedotenko.

Coburn haphazardly centered the puck, Emery was gazing into the crowd at the other end of the rink, and the puck trickled in between his pads. Four to two Pens, Alex Goligoski gets credit for the goal.

Fleury made two huge saves on Mike Richards and some Finnish/Swedish guy no one has ever heard of to preserve the two goal lead.

Crosby got hit with a tripping call and soon thereafter, Staal took a whack at Timonen, giving the Flyers the two man advantage.

With Jordan Staal in the penalty box, it was time for Jeff Carter to once again pretend he is a big time goal scorer. 4-3 Flyers heading into the third.

If you ever wondered what an acid trip would be like, just watch the third period of this hockey game over and over again for like four hours.

The Pens' Cooke-Adams-Kennedy line came out and set the world on fire.

Cooke, Adams, and Mike Rupp each delivered solid checks to Chris Pronger on the forecheck.

The Flyers responded with an equal amount of aggression.

Malkin went one against the world and the ref swallowed his whistle before he could ring up Pronger for the hook. Weak effort by Emery as he dove to thwart the shot attempt.

Tyler Kennedy dumped the puck into the Flyers' zone and Craig Adams destroyed Coburn in the corner, sending the puck around the wall to Matt Cooke.

Cookie centered a pass to TK, who drove the net hard, and finished even harder, to put the Pens back on top by two goals.

Malkin once again took on four Flyers, picking Coburn out of the crowd to dance with.

Coburn tripped up Malkin and the Pens had a chance to put the game away on the power play. No dice.

Carter scored again after the Flyers pulled Emery. Jordan Staal wasn't on the ice.

Down by one, the Flyers decided to do what they do best: ignore the rulebook and try to win at any cost.

Mike Richards, who reeks of leadership, put his head down and drove to the net.

Untouched by any Penguin, Richards crashed hard into Fleury and ended up face down inside the net.

Hartnell grabbed Kris Letang and the gloves came off. Kunitz arrived on the scene, followed by Pronger.

Somewhere in the heap of bodies, Letang's hand was cut and he headed to the bench, wincing in pain.

The Penguins' announcers speculated that Hartnell had bitten Letang's hand in the crowd of bodies.

Letang, Orpik and Dan Bylsma tried to call the referee's attention to the gash on Tanger's hand, but Hartnell got off with two minutes for roughing.

The final two seconds ticked off the clock and Elvis threw his greasy cheesesteak sandwich onto the ice before leaving the building.

Final Score: Pittsburgh 5 Philthadelphia 4

- Ray Emery...ha ha ha.

- Daniel Carcillo's dirt 'stache is classic Philadelphia. Thanks for the trip to the Eastern Conference Finals, joke.

- You know Max Talbot was itching to come out of the press box during that scrap at the end of the game.

- Malkin was possessed tonight. When he plays like that, he is unstoppable.

- Braydon Coburn is the worst defenseman in the National Hockey League.

- When asked what happened during the altercation with Hartnell during the post game interviews, Kris Letang responded by telling the reporters to "go ask Hartnell, he knows what he did. Go ask him and then tell me what he says, I'll tell you if it's true." What a human.

- Chris Pronger and intimidation should never be used in the same sentence again. What a non-factor. Cooke, Adams, Staal, and Rupp pounded Pronger harder than Jenna Jameson circa 1998.

- The Pens blocked 24 shots to the Flyers' 11.

- Crosby went 21 for 24 in the faceoff circle. Crosby sucks.

- Cooke played 19:15 tonight. He averages somewhere in the ball park of 14 minutes per game. That should tell you what Bylsma was all about tonight.

- Wooooooo.

Let's Go Pens.

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