Thanks to Uncle Sam, I recently decided to stimulate the U.S. economy—and the economy of a poor Asian nation—by purchasing a 42" Sharp Aquos from a local electronics retailer.
I guess you could say it was love at first extremely bright and vivid sight.
At the very least, it would be a definitive upgrade over the 25" RCA standard television I had been with for the better part of seven years. I'd watched a lot of great sports moments on that TV.
North Carolina's 2005 basketball title. Indy's 2007 Super Bowl victory. Mediocre Reds baseball. Hundreds of thousands of Peyton Manning commercials.
I first saw Denny Green's "they were who we thought they were!" meltdown on that TV. Jim Mora's "playoffs?" rant. Skip Bayless trying to figure it all out...
But I digress.
After setting up the Aquos, I settled into the recliner to take in a little Reds Sunday afternoon baseball. I joined the game in progress with the score Reds 3, Braves 0.
Better yet, I hadn't missed Griffey's 600th home run.
(I'm hoping he smashes it before the All-Star Break. Or before I die. It's taken him awhile—however, I fear I'm venturing into another article so I'll just move on.)
Cincy went on to win 6-2, thus sweeping a three game set from Atlanta.
Life was beautiful. And vividly depicted.
I wanted to see how this puppy would handle football so I pulled out my trusty Super Bowl XLI DVD to watch Peyton and the boys roll in Miami...or was it London? It rained...a lot.
The game wouldn't play!
I pulled out the 2005 Final Four to catch a glimpse of Roy's first title at Carolina.
The game wouldn't play!
Thinking that I'd somehow botched the DVD setup, I switched back to the cable, went to my On Demand NFL Network freebies and attempted to watch a Colts-Broncos matchup from last year.
The game wouldn't play!
Son of a female dog...
Then I caught a commercial during the Reds postgame show. It was a Sharp Aquos commercial. And there I learned it was the official HDTV of Major League Baseball.
Something stunk. And it wasn't just the backswing from the lunch fajitas I was indigesting from El Rodeo.
Was it possible that my TV had some sort of deep-seated hatred of other sports?
I called Sharp Aquos support and spoke with a nice Indian fellow who went by "Marty." I asked "Marty" what in God's vividly-depicted and brilliantly bright green earth was going on.
Marty's response: "Ah yes, the Sharp Aquos is the official HDTV of Major League Cricket."
I shook my head. "Baseball," I corrected.
"Ah yes, baseball. You Americans and your hitting the ball before it bounces!"
Not only was my very expensive television not working properly, I was being mocked by a cricket fan...
"You see, Sir, Major League, heh heh, Baseball has an exclusive license with Sharp as the official HDTV. No other sports will play on your television set."
"Male puppy!" I yelled.
"I am very sorry for this problem and hope I have provided you with all the assistance you have required. And thank you for your purchase of a Sharp Aquos."
Click.
Sports + Licensing = A Whole Lotta Bullcrap
It wasn't the first time I'd been burned by a license.
You know, the greatest sports videogame I've ever played was ESPN NFL 2005. Man, that was fun! Completely and totally put any Madden version to total shame. I wore that game OUT. And at only $20, it was a sweet bargain.
I figured that ESPN NFL 2006 would be bigger and even better. I was extremely astonished, disappointed and catatonic when I learned that the NFL had granted EA Sports exclusive rights.
This meant no ESPN NFL 2006. Unless I wanted to play as an offensive guard named Stinky Thundercleats for the Indiana Flatulent Explosion. After pancaking you he'd further humiliate you by taking his cleat off and sticking it in your helmet.
Dirty, dirty player.
And honestly, my kinda guy.
Licensing means that I can't drink Dr. Pepper during the Olympics (thanks a lot, Coke), eat at Taco Bell during the Olympics (thanks a lot, McDonald's) or wear my Puma tracksuit during NFL broadcasts (thanks a lot, Reebok).
It also means I have to eat nasty JTM hamburgers during a Reds game. And drive a Buick if I watch Tiger play golf.
It's out of control.
Thankfully, I've learned my lesson. I exchanged my Sharp Aquos for a TV that doesn't discriminate.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm hungry. I think I'll stop at Denny's...
Official Sponsor of the PBA.
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