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Thanks to Uncle Sam, I recently decided to stimulate the U.S. economy—and the economy of a poor Asian nation—by purchasing a 42" Sharp Aquos from a local electronics retailer...

License This! Sports Licensing Run Amuck

by Greg Adams [HUMOR]

30

862 reads

Humor

June 01, 2008


Thanks to Uncle Sam, I recently decided to stimulate the U.S. economy—and the economy of a poor Asian nation—by purchasing a 42" Sharp Aquos from a local electronics retailer.

I guess you could say it was love at first extremely bright and vivid sight.

At the very least, it would be a definitive upgrade over the 25" RCA standard television I had been with for the better part of seven years. I'd watched a lot of great sports moments on that TV.

North Carolina's 2005 basketball title. Indy's 2007 Super Bowl victory. Mediocre Reds baseball. Hundreds of thousands of Peyton Manning commercials.

I first saw Denny Green's "they were who we thought they were!" meltdown on that TV. Jim Mora's "playoffs?" rant. Skip Bayless trying to figure it all out...

But I digress.

After setting up the Aquos, I settled into the recliner to take in a little Reds Sunday afternoon baseball. I joined the game in progress with the score Reds 3, Braves 0.

Better yet, I hadn't missed Griffey's 600th home run.

(I'm hoping he smashes it before the All-Star Break. Or before I die. It's taken him awhile—however, I fear I'm venturing into another article so I'll just move on.)

Cincy went on to win 6-2, thus sweeping a three game set from Atlanta.

Life was beautiful. And vividly depicted.

I wanted to see how this puppy would handle football so I pulled out my trusty Super Bowl XLI DVD to watch Peyton and the boys roll in Miami...or was it London? It rained...a lot.

The game wouldn't play!

I pulled out the 2005 Final Four to catch a glimpse of Roy's first title at Carolina.

The game wouldn't play!

Thinking that I'd somehow botched the DVD setup, I switched back to the cable, went to my On Demand NFL Network freebies and attempted to watch a Colts-Broncos matchup from last year.

The game wouldn't play!

Son of a female dog...

Then I caught a commercial during the Reds postgame show. It was a Sharp Aquos commercial. And there I learned it was the official HDTV of Major League Baseball.

Something stunk. And it wasn't just the backswing from the lunch fajitas I was indigesting from El Rodeo.

Was it possible that my TV had some sort of deep-seated hatred of other sports?

I called Sharp Aquos support and spoke with a nice Indian fellow who went by "Marty." I asked "Marty" what in God's vividly-depicted and brilliantly bright green earth was going on.

Marty's response: "Ah yes, the Sharp Aquos is the official HDTV of Major League Cricket."

I shook my head. "Baseball," I corrected.

"Ah yes, baseball. You Americans and your hitting the ball before it bounces!"

Not only was my very expensive television not working properly, I was being mocked by a cricket fan...

"You see, Sir, Major League, heh heh, Baseball has an exclusive license with Sharp as the official HDTV. No other sports will play on your television set."

"Male puppy!" I yelled.

"I am very sorry for this problem and hope I have provided you with all the assistance you have required. And thank you for your purchase of a Sharp Aquos."

Click.

Sports + Licensing = A Whole Lotta Bullcrap

It wasn't the first time I'd been burned by a license.

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30 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Andrew Kneeland about 1 year ago

    Hilarious, Greg! You get my vote for tomorrow, lol.

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  2. Casey H about 1 year ago

    Whoa! Madden dominates the crappy ESPN NFL games. Not cool man. It was a funny article but that just ruined it at the end. Go MADDEN!

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  3. Greg Adams about 1 year ago

    I'm gonna have to throw a flag here, Casey. ESPN NFL 2005 was just an awesome game and whipped the pants off its Madden counterparts at the time and for the next couple of years.

    I see you're still in high school and assume you've done a lot of gaming since but the current Madden versions have the advantage of being played in High Def with superior gaming systems. The XBOX 360 and P3 gaming consoles weren't even on the market yet.

    The ESPN game was so vastly superior to its Madden contemporary that EA signed the exclusive rights deal with the NFL because EA was "wet-its-pants" scared of losing its hold on the football gaming market.

    At the time, and for half the price, ESPN kicked Madden's butt. And it wasn't even close.

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    • Michael Taylor about 1 year ago

      I agree about the ESPN 2005 NFL game. It was great, and as you said $20. I also played the heck out of it. It's gameplay was simple and not too extensive, which is where I get lost on the MADDEN. Just too much stuff going on. I guess I clamor for the old days of Super Tecmo Bowl. That was the All-Time greatest.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      NFL 2K5 was my game from 2004 until 2007, when I finally broke down and bough a 360. Man, so many good times with that game.

      And Tecmo Super Bowl? Possibly the greatest football game ever made. Wait, what am I saying "possibly." It's the greatest football game ever made.

      Great article, Greg. Certainly made me laugh.

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    • Casey H about 1 year ago

      That's true but I've been playing Madden since super nintendo so it has dominated pretty much forever.

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  4. Jimbo about 1 year ago

    Stinky Thundercleats? Brilliant! ;)

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  5. Jimbo about 1 year ago

    Interesting. So how did he get the nickname "Stinky"?

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  6. Dan Malato about 1 year ago

    Nice article. I thought it was pretty ironic as a Bears and Illini fan that two of your favorite moments are two of my least favorite.

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    • Greg Adams about 1 year ago

      Sorry, Dan. That Illini team, in particular, was a teriffic basketball team. Although I'm a lifelong Carolina fan, I was actually born and raised in Big Ten country. I saw them a LOT. Man, they were tough.

      If Rex could have figured out what team he was playing for, that Super Bowl contest may have been a little tighter.

      Look on the bright side though: your Bears big comeback ignited Green's tirade--an NFL classic by any standard!

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    • Dan Malato about 1 year ago

      Great point about Green. We Bears fans can always hang our hat on the fact that WE ARE WHO THEY THOUGHT WE WERE!

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  7. Elbow Murderpants about 1 year ago

    Dang it! I can't read your article. (Thanks a lot, cincinnati.reds.mlb.com)

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  8. Josh Taylor about 1 year ago

    Awesome article, Greg. Funny stuff, I don't think that Dennis Green reference will ever get old. And yes, ESPN Football was an awesome game that was ruined by EA's panic from possibly being dominated by a better product that was half the price. And I'm in the market for a new tv, thanks for the tip on Sharp!

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  9. Andy Miller about 1 year ago

    Wow, just the other day my Dad was making fun of all the advertising during the radio broadcasts of Cubs games.

    "I went to get some Bubba Burgers, the official hamburger of the Chicago Cubs at Walgreens, the official pharmacy of the Chicago Cubs. On my way home I got an oil change at Jiffy Lube, a proud sponsor of the Chicago Cubs (not the official note)...."

    So, I found your article very entertaining Greg.

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  10. Daniel Muth about 1 year ago

    Keep killin' it Greg! You're carving out quite a niche for yourself. I suggest you consider sponsorship.

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  11. Stuart Mahoney about 1 year ago

    I felt the same way when I heard that EA was unable to make any more of those MVP baseball games for the major leagues anymore. I was very sad, because in my personal opinion that was, by far, the best baseball game series I've ever played. I know they switched to doing college games, which I thought was an interesting move, but nevertheless, no more Albert Pujols or Manny Ramirez in my baseball games. Do they even still make NCAA MVP baseball? I don't think I've seen it for a while.

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    • Greg Adams about 1 year ago

      Stuart, my favorite baseball game of all time was EA Sports' MVP 06 NCAA Baseball. I built my own stadium, played as my beloved Tar Heels and just rocked and rolled D-I all the way to Omaha. I don't know if there are any recent interations.

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  12. Ben Weixlmann about 1 year ago

    Greg, you are an endless laughter box, I love it! Also, being a Tar Heels/Colts fan, your two favorite moments were also mine (unlike our compadre Dan muhaha)!

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  13. Joe Willett about 1 year ago

    I will NOT have my beloved Bears be rampaged. Just wait until we trade Rex Grossman to the Packers. That means 2 games a year because he finally completes over 50% of his passes to Bears players. 2-14 wouldn't be that bad right??? BTW, how are we using all these officially licensed team names without FBI agents busting through our windows. They are slacking, last time I said an official team name, I was introduced to pavement by 5 guys in bulletproof vests holding guns.

    On a serious note, a Chicago Little League was told that they couldn't use official team names and jerseys because they weren't making a profit off of it. Now, every team is using the name "The Bulldogs." Something is seriously wrong there, the MLB is getting pretty stupid with their crack downs on people using their names.

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    • Greg Adams about 1 year ago

      Yeah Joe, I saw that. Somebody needs to do a totally unofficial game story where they recap a MLB matchup without using the teams' names for fear of a lawsuit. Reds=Commies, Pirates=High Seas Entrepreneurs. "The Commies stole one from the High Seas Entrepreneurs last night 5-4..."

      As for the Bears, keep your head up. They've got to get this QB situation figured out at some point.

      Now, if they can just keep Captain Cedric off his boat...

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  14. Evan Einhorn about 1 year ago

    Nice! I love to laugh. But, not all licensing is bad.

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  15. Fred Dillon about 1 year ago

    Chris Welsh is crying because of the JTM comment, How dare you lol

    PS....ESPN Football was ahead of its time, and on tecmo...Bo Jackson, thats all im saying!!!

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