The St. Louis Cardinals have won the NL Central division title in 2009 after being picked to finish somewhere between third and the stench wafting around Lindsay Lohan’s crotch. 

Cheers to the entire organization for making October roughly 58 percent more enjoyable for the city.

We questioned your commitment to winning after serving up the poo poo platter of Trever Miller and Kahlil Greene in reaction to get getting blown out of the water by the Cubs in 2008.

But after watching Albert Pujols perhaps do the most lifting of a team on his back in the history of baseball, you responded by getting the two most coveted offensive players being trade baited.

I will now shelf my St. Louis “We’ve Got Albert Pujols, Now Gimme Your Fucking Monies!” jersey and hand out some pre-postseason awards…

Best use of an "Old School" reference during a title-clinching celebration: Brendan Ryan.

“So good. Once it hits your lips, it’s so good.” Yes. He was getting champagne poured over him by six teammates simultaneously.  

Rookie of the Year: Colby Rasmus.

A solid contributor to the Cardinals all season long…. Ahh, fuck it. Who are we kidding, we needed an excuse to run this video one more time.

And, if by some reason that’s the first time you’ve seen that video (shame on you, first) but check out this interview Bleacher Report did with her earlier in the year.

Best use of a trade to gain ball busting authority to demand whatever the hell you want from pretty much any team in MLB: Matt Holliday.

I heard a rumor that Scott Boras creams a little bit in his pants every time Matt Holliday bats. Not much, just a little.

Best remembering “Hey, I got cut by the Royals, what am I doing here?”:  Todd Wellemeyer.

When you get cut by the Royals, it’s not a matter of if, but when your career will be over. Todd beat the odds for more than a year, but finally succumbed to the Baseball Gods earlier this July. He’s toiled in relative anonymity in the bullpen these past 10 weeks, but that’s no reason for the clubhouse attendants to request he only spray Natty Light during any title clinchings. He deserves better than that.

Best juvination of a left for dead career: John Smoltz.

Boston treated this future hall of famer like a loaded diaper when he was beaten badly by the Yankees in early August. His move to St. Louis, though, has brought nothing but Pamper free moments! (See what I did there?) Let’s just hope that when he negotiated that deal with the devil, Johnny boy had a postseason clause inserted in there.

Best grade school-ish introduction of a classmate into the end of a school year that breeds nothing but awkwardness: Troy Glaus.

Everyone and his mother thought he was done for 2009… but no! He came back when the rosters expanded Sept. 1 and has been nothing but a drain on the morale of this team. So much so that the manager asked him not to come on this most recent road trip. Sting!

Best complete collapse in 2009: Chicago Cubs.

Take it easy Kyle Lohse, we know you were hurt. But seriously, folks, how great were the Cubs in 2009? I particularly liked the fact that they suspended Milton Bradley for 14 games. Why? Because he told the truth… that’s why! Ladies and gentlemen, your Chicago Cubs!!!

We’re less than a week from the postseason, people. Less than a week.

Nice.