Whether it was poisoned from the top down or uncoachable from the botom up, the Detroit Lions were, without question, the worst sports franchise of the 2000's.
The awful draft picks, incompetent free agency moves, and bewildering coaching changes came to a head in 2008, when the Lions became the first franchise in history to lose all 16 games in the regular season.
Now that the infamous losing streak is over, and the fanbase has a ray of hope, we can safely take a look back at the twenty months that went by without a single Detroit Lions win in the regular season, and try to laugh it all off like the joke it was.
To The Green Bay Packers, December 2007: Where It All Began
It all started in 2007. In the last game of that season, the Lions, who had been in playoff contention after starting the year 6-2, lost six straight before beating the Chiefs to set up a crucial game against Favre's Packers.
The Lions caught them at a bad time. The Packers were red hot going into the playoffs, slaying the lions 31-13 at Lambeau Field to knock them out of playoff contention and into spiraling infamy.
To The Atlanta Falcons, September 7, 2008
I remember the commercials: "Believe in Now." After going 4-0 in the preseason, the expectations were that Jon Kitna and the Lions could put together some wins and possibly head for playoff contention.
Imagine.
The first loss of 2008 was to the Matt Ryan and the newly refurbished Atlanta Falcons. Ryan threw a touchdown on his second career attempt, while Michael Turner and Jerious Norwood ran for three combined touchdowns and 313 yards to total 31 points on the hapless Lions D.
To The Green Bay Packers, September 14, 2008
The Lions and Packers combined for 40 points in the fourth quarter, the last 24 of which were by Green Bay. Infamy came when Jon Kitna threw two picks to Charles Woodson on back-to-back series' to ice the game.
To The San Francisco 49ers, September 21, 2008
The 49ers rolled 31-13, past a Lions defense that couldn't generate a pound per square inch of pressure on former Lion JT O'Sullivan. The Lions scored late and failed to recover the onside kick. The next week was a bye, giving Detroit time to think, plan, regroup, mull suicide...
To The Chicago Bears, October 5th, 2008
We knew things were getting bad when Kyle Orton put up 334 passing yards on us.
This was also the first game to see significant playing time from Dan Orlovsky, who would later reveal himself to be Jon Kitna with more youthful vigor and only slightly fewer interceptions.
To The Minnesota Vikings, October 12th, 2008
Infamy is the term of the week when Dan Orlovsky, making his first career start, safeties himself by rolling out to the back of the endzone as you'll see in the above picture. The two points are what decide the game as the Lions lose, 12-10.
This is when people also start using terms like "moral victory". Even as far as moral victories go, the Lions would currently sit at 1-5 in the division.
To The Houston Texans, October 19th, 2008
Another close loss, this time decided by a key punt that buried the Lions deep in their own territory with ten seconds to go.
An attempt at a hook-and-ladder play resulted in a fumble as the clock expired. You can imagine how pretty that looked.
To The Washington Redskins, October 26th, 2008
Panic mode.
The Lions give up a lead over the hapless Washington Redskins, the team they would later beat to break the streak, after a career day from receiver Santana Moss, who would post 150 yards and a touchdown that would prove to be the game-winner.
Here's a statistic that's equivalent to a backhanded compliment: Kevin Smith's touchdown run in the first quarter would be the first Lions points in a first quarter yet that season.
Says it all, doesn't it?
To The Chicago Bears, Again, November 2, 2008
This game was a testament to the Lions fantasy value - as an opponent.
Rookie Matt Forte rushed for 122 yards and brought the Bears back from a ten-point hole in spite of Kyle Orton's injury.
A missed extra point forced the Lions to go for a touchdown instead of a field goal in the fourth quarter, and safety Mike Brown tapped Orlovsky's fourth-down attempt away to seal the victory.
I forgot how many of these games were close. Relatively speaking, of course.
To The Jacksonville Jaguars, November 9th, 2008
The Lions front office must have been watching too many 90's era sports movies involving the burned out former pro coming back one more time to score the big win, because they signed Daunte Culpepper and started him five days later.
The Jaguars rolled courtesy of MJD's three touchdowns (another career day for a running back; troubling trend, that).
To The Carolina Panthers, November 16th, 2008
Another close game decided by a late turnover, this game was over when Culpepper threw an interception to Carolina's Charles Godfrey, who returned it to the four yard line. DeAngelo Williams punched it in to go up 31-22.
The Carolina rushing attack hung 342 on the Lions D. Jonathon Stewart became a household name. Jake Delhomme looked like a Super Bowl quarterback again.
Daunte Culpepper went home, had a beer, and scratched himself.
To The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, November 23rd, 2008
Insanity sets in. Daunte Culpepper incurs a concussion, Drew Stanton is sent in. He incurs a concussion. Culpepper is sent back out. He throws a pick six. Every resident of Detroit incurs a concussion slapping their foreheads. They then receive letters from the Detroit Lions inquiring whether they have ever considered careers as NFL quarterbacks.
To The Tennessee Titans, November 27th, 2008
This game never happened. WE WERE ALL ON VACATION.
To The Minnesota Vikings, Again, December 7th, 2008
Infamous stat of the day? 0/2 on decisions to go for a field goal while within range. The Lions elected to go for it on fourth down, failing both times.
Mitch Albom writes a bitchy article wherein he recycles the joke about how Jason Hanson is the Lions best offensive weapon, my parents laugh at it, and we all find out we've lost our jobs. Hooray, bring on the new year.
To The Indianapolis Colts, December 14th, 2008
Jason Hanson breaks the record for most 50+ yard field goals as the Lions elect to neither run nor pass, but to just kick field goals from wherever they start on the field.
Daunte Culpepper still manages to throw three picks. And that's with Dan Orlovsky in the game.
Never underestimate the Lions ability to generate turnovers...
To The New Orleans Saints, December 21st, 2008
Full-blown despair. Drew Brees has so much time in the pocket his hair grows out to that seedy length where he looks like Mark Paul Gosselar in the TNT law show.
Four different Saints players rush for touchdowns, including two they hadn't drafted yet.
42-7.
Detroit fans run out of synonyms for fail.
To The Green Bay Packers, December 28th, 2008; End of Season
Prettyboy Aaron Rodgers minces his way to three touchdowns on the way to spoiling the Lions' last chance to redeem themselves.
Oh, who am I kidding, this was the best thing to possibly happen to Detroit fans. Millen is fired, Marinelli is honorably discharged, and the city inquires as to how the Spartans basketball team is doing.
To The New Orleans Saints, September 13th, 2009
Discouraging but predictable, the Lions D is eviscerated by Drew Brees but manages to score a few points to leave fans encouraged.
It's a new year, and the Saints are winning the Super Bowl anyhow.
To The Minnesota Vikings, September 20th, 2009
Brett Favre could play another forty years for every team in the NFL plus however many expansion teams pop up, and he'd still be guaranteed at least one win a year as long as his front office scheduled the Lions.
Just one more week to go, though, until...
Win Over The Washington Redskins, September 27th, 2009
For More On Detroit's Win...
For more on what the Detroit Lions' win means for the franchise and the division, check out this article on the return of intrigue to the NFC North.
Detroit Lions: Like this team?
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